Funny Junk

Do you know the answers???

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?

Why do banks charge a fee on “insufficient funds” when they know there is not enough money?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why doesn’t glue stick to the bottle?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, “It’s all right?” Well, it isn’t all right, so why don’t we say, “That hurt, you stupid idiot?”

A blonde enters a bar and asks the barman,
“Oh! Sir! Please! Can you help me? I have just bought two ponies but I can’t tell them apart! What should I do?”
“Why don’t you chop off one of their tails,” the barman replied. “That way you could tell them apart!”

So the blonde left, and came back a month later and said,
“Oh! Please! Can you help me again? Cutting the tails really worked but they’ve grown back! What am I to do now?”
“Why don’t you chop off one of their manes,” the barman replied. “That way you could tell them apart!”

So the blonde left, and came back a month later and said,
“Oh! Please! Can you help me one more time? Cutting the manes really worked but now they’ve grown back. What can I dow now?” She cried in despair and frustration.
“Okay then,” said the barman, who was beginning to get annoyed with the blonde. “Why don’t you measure them?”

So the blonde left and came back the next day.
“Oh thank you so much! Now I can tell my two ponies apart always! The white one is taller than the black one!”

This joke was submitted by Emily.

Yo momma is so dirty I had to wipe my feet before i went OUTSIDE.
Yo momma is so fat she stepped on the scale and it said to be continued…
Yo momma is so stupid she sat on the tv and watched the couch.
Yo momma is so fat she stepped on the scale and it said GET OFF ME!
Yo momma is so stupid she put a quarter in a parking meter and said wheres my gumball.
Yo momma is so fat she tripped on 7th street and landed on 12th.

This joke was submitted by Jeff.