Clean Jokes - Page 2

Daring Husband

A famous inspirational speaker said:

“Best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman, who wasn’t my wife.”

Audience was in shock and silence.

He added: “She was my mother”

(A big round of plause & laughter)

A very daring husband tried to crack this at home.

After dinner, he said loudly to his wife in the kitchen:
“Best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman, who wasn’t my wife”

Standing for a moment, trying to recall the second line of that speaker.
By the time he gained his senses, he was on a hospital bed, recovering from burns of boiling water!
Moral: Don’t Copy, if you can’t Paste

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Immune to Cold

Only 3 living beings are immune to cold:

1. Penguins
2. Polar bears
3. Females wearing sleeveless and backless dresses in marriages..

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Bought a Ferrari

Lady: Do you smoke?

Man: Yes

Lady: How many packs a day?

Man: 3 packs

Lady: How much per pack

Man: $10.00

Lady: And how long have you been smoking?

Man: 15 years

Lady: So 1 pack cost $10.00 and you have 3 packs a day which puts your spending each month at $900. In one year, it would be $10,800 correct?

Man: Correct

Lady: If in 1 year you spend $10,800 not accounting for inflation, the past 15 years puts your spending at $162,000 correct?

Man: Correct

Lady: Do you know that if you hadn’t smoked, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 15 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?

Man: Do you smoke?

Lady: No

Man: Where’s your Ferrari then? ๐Ÿ˜›

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Murphy’s Laws of Offices

1. You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.

2. Don’t be irreplaceable, if you can’t be replaced,you can’t be promoted.

3. Never ask two questions in a business letter. The reply will discuss the one you are least interested in and say nothing about the other.

4. A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants.

5. There is never enough time to do it right the first time but there is always enough time to do it over.

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Expensive Tear

There is nothing more expensive than a female

When a single drop comes out,it first mixes with “loreal”
eyeliner and “Dior” mascara ๐Ÿ˜‰
then when it comes down to cheek….
it mixes with D&G blusher ๐Ÿ™‚
. .
and in case it touches the lips,,
it gets mixed with “Maybelline” lipstick
this means that a single drop is worth atleast $50 ๐Ÿ˜€

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Chemistry Rocks

Teacher : What happens when CarbOn MOnOxide reacts with 2 MOlecules Of IrOn??

Student : COFFEE !!

Teacher : HOW ??

Student : CO + 2Fe = COFFEE !!

Teacher Shocked Student Rocks !!

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Girl and Boss

Girl Came Angrily Out Of Boss’s Cabin

A Friend Asked- Why are you so sad?

Girl- He Asked Me are you Free Tonight?

I Said Absolutely Free Sir…

That idiot Gave 60 Pages To Type! ๐Ÿ™

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