Little Johnny was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, “How many women can a man marry?”
“Sixteen,” Little Johnny responded.
His cousin was amazed that he knew the answer so quickly. “How do you know that?”
“Easy,” Little Johnny said.
“All you have to do is add it up, like the Preacher said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer.”
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Little Johnny was at a wedding and was enjoying each moment of it. While returning home with his mother he asked, “Why did the lady change her mind?”
Mother asked, “What do you mean?”
“Well, she went down the aisle with one man and came back with another one.” said Little Johnny with a surprised look.
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Father and son were sitting and talking randomly.
Dad: My son, You are now 18 years old. It is the best time to discuss with you about love and dating.
Son: Sure dad, Please ask me your doubts. I am here to help you out!!
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A man goes to book store and says – I need a book on topic “Short ideas on full control on women.”
Salesman: Sir, Please move into our next row of ‘fiction section’.
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A son and dad are discussing about marriage and Son asks his dad: Please tell me the difference between mom and wife?
Dad: Mom is the one who brings you into this great world crying and wife is the one which ensures you continue crying..
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Little Johnny and Jacky are talking to each other.
Jacky says, “What does your dad do for a living?”
Little Johnny says, “He is a lawyer.”
Jacky says, “Honest?”
“No, just a regular lawyer.” says Little Johnny
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Two blondes were talking about geography. One of them said it is possible to see England from Canada.
The other blonde looking rather confused said, ” I don’t think so”
The first blonde said, “See how close they are on the map.”
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Two friends Monty and Jonty were sitting in a park and drinking beer.
Monty said “I think I’m going to divorce my wife – she hasn’t spoken to me in over 6 months.”
Jonty sips his beer and says, “You better think it over – women like that are hard to find.”
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Customer: I am sorry waiter, but I only have enough money for the bill. I don’t have anything left for a tip.
Waiter: That’s all right, mister. Let me just add up that bill again.
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One day an old person drove to his best friend’s barn farm and noticed his barn was on fire.
“Your barn’s burning down,” he yelled.
“I know it,” said the other old person , “I’m sittin’ here prayin’ for rain.”
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Little Johnny was wearing one of those Medical Alert bracelets. Someone asked him what the bracelet was for.
Little Johnnyreplied, “I’m allergic to nuts and eggs.”
The person asked, “Are you allergic to cats?”
Little Johnny said, “I don’t know….. I don’t eat cats.”
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An aspiring young actor asked a young lady’s father if he could have his daughter’s hand in marriage. The father said: “I would never let my daughter marry an actor.”
The actor said: “Sir, I think you may change your mind if you see me perform. Won’t you at least come and see the play?”
So, the father went to see the play, and the next day he called the actor: “You were right. I did change my mind. Go ahead and marry my daughter. You’re no actor.”
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A newsboy was standing on the corner with a stack of papers, yelling, “Read all about it. Fifty people deceived! Fifty people deceived!”
Curious, a man walked over, bought a paper, and checked the front page. Finding nothing, the man said, “There’s nothing in here about fifty people being deceived.”
The newsboy ignored him and went on, calling out, “Read all about it. Fifty-one people deceived!”
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A blonde on her first visit to Yellowstone National Park said to her guide, “Look at all those big rocks. Wherever did they come from?”
“The glaciers brought them down,” said the guide.
“But where are the glaciers?”
“The glaciers,” said the guide in a frustrated tone, “have gone back for more rocks.”
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A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind, “If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you.”
The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.
He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road.
Once again the voice shouted, “Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die.”
The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.
The man asked. “Who are you?”
“I am your guardian angel,” the voice answered.
“Oh, yeah?” the man exclaimed “And where the hell were you when I got married?”
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A successful marriage is based On give & take:
Where husband gives money,Gifts, dresses n wife takes it
Where wife gives advices, lectures,Tensions & husband takes it..!!
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A husband and wife were sitting and taking about their upcoming marriage anniversary. Husband asks her wife, “Where do you want to go for our anniversary?
Wife – “Somewhere I have never been!”
Husband – “How about the kitchen?”
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One evening two bachelors were talking over dinner. The conversation drifted from sports to politics, and then to cooking. “I got a cookbook once,” said the first bachelor. “But I couldn’t do anything with it.”
“Too much fancy stuff in it, huh?” asked his friend.
“You said it, “the first guy replied, nodding. “Every one of those recipes began the same way: “Take a clean plate…'”
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Two women were discussing their married life, one said, “Seems like all me and my husband ddois fight. I’ve been so upset I’ve lost 20 pounds.”
“Why don’t you just leave him then?” asked her friend.
“Oh! Not yet.” the first replied, “I’d like to lose at least another 15 pounds first.”
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A store manager overheard a clerk saying to a customer, “No, ma’am, we haven’t had any for some weeks now, and it doesn’t look as if we’ll be getting any soon.”
Alarmed by what was being said, the manager rushed over to the customer who was walking out the door and said,
“That isn’t true, ma’am. Of course, we’ll have some soon. In fact, we placed an order for it a couple of weeks ago.”
Then the manager drew the clerk aside and growled, “Never, never, never, never say we don’t have something. If we don’t have it, say we ordered it and it’s on its way. Now, what was it she wanted?”
The clerk smiled and said,
“Rain…”
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