Clean Jokes - Page 3

Little Johnny At Convenience Store

Little Johnny goes to the manager at convenience store and asked, “Is this store open all day, seven days a week, 365 days a year?”

“Yes,” the manager answered, puzzled at the question.

“Well, then,” he continued as he walked out, “why are there locks on the doors?”


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Cheating with us

Distance between California – San Jose= 68 km
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Distance between San Jose – California = 68 km
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Ground Floor to 15thFloor = 15 floors
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15th Floor to Ground Floor = 15 floors
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Monday to Friday = 5 days
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Friday to Monday = 2 days
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THIS IS CHEATING!!!!!!


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Expensive Study

A man walks past a beggar every day and gives him £10 and that continues for a year. Suddenly the daily donation changes to £7. 50.

“Well,” the beggar thinks, “it’s still better than nothing.”

A year passes in this way until the man’s daily donation suddenly becomes £5.

“What’s going on now?” the beggar asks his donor. “First you give me £10 every day, then £7.50 and now only £5. What’s the problem?”

“Well,” the man says, “last year my eldest son went to university. It’s very expensive, so I had to cut costs. This year my daughter also went to university, so I had to cut my expenses even further.”

“And how many children do you have?” the beggar asks.

“Four,” the man replies.

“Well,” says the beggar, “I hope you don’t plan to educate them all at my expense.”


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Mechanic vs Officer

A mechanic called one of his customers, a bank officer after a check bounced. “The check you sent me to pay your bill has bounced!” He yelled!

The officer replied,”well, so did all my car problems that you fixed!”


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Two Rednecks Talking

Two rednecks were sitting next to each other. One says to the other, “I have such a big farm I could climb in my truck, and it would take me two days to get across the whole farm!”

The other redneck turns back to him and replies, “My kid also used to have a truck like that!”


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Hard to Find

Mr. Anderson: I am very lucky. When I talk with my wife, she always bows her head.

Mr. Smith: That’s great man, wives like that are hard to find.

Mr. Anderson: Not really, she bows because she is taller than me.


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The Farmhouse

A dying grandma tells her grandchild, “I want to leave you my farm. That includes the barn, livestock, the harvest, the tractor, and other equipment, the farmhouse and $24,548,750.45 in cash.”

The grandchild, absolutely floored and about to become rich says, “Oh grandma, you are SO generous! I didn’t even know you had a farm. Where is it?”

With her last breath, Grandma whispered, “Facebook…”


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