A man driving in Southern Indiana, heading for Kentucky, saw a sign that read: “LAST CHANCE FOR $1.55 GAS!!!”
He still had more than a quarter of a tank left, but figured he’d better take advantage of this opportunity to fill-up his tank cheap.
As he was getting his change from the attendant, he asked, “So, how much is gas in Kentucky?”
The man replied, “$1.25.”
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Blonde 1: That dress is too tight for you. It’s skintight!
Blonde 2: It’s tighter than my skin.
Blonde 1: How could anything be tighter than your skin?
Blonde 2: I can sit down in my skin, but I can’t in this dress.
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I wanted to take my kids to the movies but did not want to wait on line to buy the tickets, so I called ahead to the theater to buy them over the phone.
I asked, “How much is a ticket?”
They said, “Ten dollars.”
I asked, “How much for children?”
They said, “Same price, Ten dollars.”
I said, “The airlines charge half fare for children.”
They said, “OK, put your kids on a plane to somewhere, and you come to the movie. You’ll enjoy it a lot more that way.”
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Little Johnny had been searching through a stationer’s stock of greeting cards for some time when a clerk asked,
“Just what is it you’re looking for? A birthday greeting, message to a sick friend? An anniversary, or a congratulations to your mom and dad?”
Little Johnny shook his head and answered, “No….got any blank report cards?”
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An old man walks into the tax collector’s office and sat down and smiled at everyone.
“May I help you?” said the clerk in charge.
“No,” said the old man. “I just wanted to meet the people I have been working for all these years.”
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During the minister’s prayer, one Sunday, there was a loud whistle from one of the back pews.
Little Johnny’s mother was horrified. She pinched him into silence and, after church, asked, “Johnny, whomade you do such a thing?”
Little Johnny answered, soberly, “I asked God to teach me to whistle, and He just then did!”
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A man who was buying a sports shirt found the largest size was even not fitting.
“Where do I go from here?” he asked the clerk
“To the gym,” she replied.
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