Clean Jokes - Page 5

Need Visa

A senior Senator called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China.

After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him that he needed a visa. “Oh, no I don’t. I’ve been to China many times and never had to have one of those.”

I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, “Look, I’ve been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express!”


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Long Ago

An old man goes to a movie theater to see the latest James Bond movie. After buying his ticket, he stopped at to purchase some popcorn.

The attendant says, ” $1.5 for popcorns Sir.”

“The last time I came to the movies, popcorn was only 15 cents.”

“Well, sir,” the attendant replied with a grin, “You’re really going to enjoy yourself. We have sound now!!”


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Units to Measure Love and Trust

Once A Girl asks Her Boyfriend : Why we have units to measure weight, height and distance But Not Love, Friendship and Trust?

Boy Thought For A While….Took Her In His Arms, Looked Deep In Her Eyes & Said “Look baby, Don’t Eat My Brain! I Have Already Failed In Physics.”


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Adopted Children

Checking out of the grocery store, I noticed that the bag boy was eying my two adopted children curiously. They often draw scrutiny, since my son is a blonds Russian, while my daughter has shiny black Haitian skin.

The boy continued staring as he carried our groceries to the car. Finally, he asked, “Are they your kids?”

“Yes, they are!” I answered proudly.

“They adopted?” he asked.

“Yes,” I replied.

“I thought so,” he concluded. “I figured you’re too old to have kids that small.”

This joke is submitted by Matt Heighton


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Little Johnny and Teacher

Teacher fell asleep in class and a Little Johnny walked up to him,
Little Johnny : “Teacher are you sleeping in class?”
Teacher: “No I am not sleeping in class.”
Little Johnny : “What were you doing sir ?”
Teacher: “I was talking to God.”
… …
The next day Little Johnny fell asleep in class and the same teacher walks up to him…
Teacher: “Johnny, you are sleeping in my class.”
Little Johnny : “No not me sir, I am not sleeping.”
Angry teacher: “What were you doing.??”
Little Johnny : “I was talking to God.”
Angry teacher: “What did He say??”
Little Johnny : “God said He never spoke to you yesterday…” 😛


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Sleep Like A Baby

While the U.S. stock market was at an all time high, the ups and downs frightened a lot of small investors.

A guy went to his financial adviser at the bank and asked if he were worried.

He replied that he slept like a baby.

He was amazed and asked, “Really? Even with all the fluctuations?”

He said, “Yes. I sleep for a couple of hours, then wake up and cry for a couple of hours.”


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Little Johnny Learning

Mom teaching maths to Little Johnny.

Lets practice maths Johnny. We will start with addition. Example Lily gave you 2 candies and 1 ice cream. What will be your answer?

Little Johnny blushes and says… I love You Lily 😉


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