“This house,” said the real estate salesman, “has both its good points and its bad points. To show you I’m honest, I’m going to tell you about both.
“The disadvantages are that there is a chemical plant one block south and a slaughterhouse a block north.”
“What are the advantages?” inquired the prospective buyer.
“The advantage is that you can always tell which way the wind is blowing.”
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A crew of highway maintenance workers were sent to repair some road signs that vandals had knocked down in a forested area. The first one they put back up was a symbol warning of a deer crossing.
As they moved down the road to repair the next sign, one member, of the crew looked back and spotted a deer running across the highway. He turned to a co-worker and said,
“I wonder how long he’s been waiting to cross?”
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A gentleman was lured into a busy florist shop by a large sign in the window that read, “Say It With Flowers.”
“Wrap up one rose,” he told the florist.
“Only one?” the florist asked.
“Just one,” the customer replied. “I’m a man of few words.”
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A women saw a little old man with a big smile on his face, sat rocking in a chair on his porch. She walked up to him and said, “I couldn’t help but notice how happy you look. What’s your secret for a long happy life”?
He said, “I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day, I drink a case of whiskey a week, I eat all the fatty foods I can, and never do any exercise”.
The women said, “That’s amazing. How old are you now”?
He replied, “Twenty six”.
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A woman came storming at the Postal counter. She gave a parcel Pick-up notice and complained, “This morning, your mailman came with our parcel for delivery. He left this note for us to pick up from Post office, but my husband was home all the time. Why could not he knock our doors and deliver parcel at home?”
The Post master was polite and apologetic. He went inside brought the parcel and delivered it to the lady. Then just casually he asked, “Ma’am what is inside this parcel that upsets you so much?”
The lady replied, “My husband’s first new hearing aids.”
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An interoffice baseball game was held every year between the marketing and support staff of one company. The support staff whipped the marketing department soundly.
To show just “how” the marketing department earns their keep, they posted this memo on the bulletin board after the game:
“The Marketing Department is pleased to announce that for the 2007 baseball Season, we came in 2nd place, having lost but one game all year.
The Support Department, however, had a rather dismal season, as they won only one game.”
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Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face.
“Why do you do that, mommy?” he asked.
“To make myself beautiful,”said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.
“What’s the matter?” asked Little Johnny. “Giving up?”
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