Funny Junk

They said a black man would be president when pigs fly, well its Obama’s first 100 days in office and boom….Swine flu

This joke was submitted by Terrence Bell.

A disappointed salesman of Cola company returns from his Middle East assignment. A friend asked, “Why weren’t you successful with the Arabs?”

The salesman explained, “When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I would make a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there.

But, I had a problem I didn’t know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through three posters…

First poster – A man lying in the hot desert sand…totally exhausted and fainting.
Second poster – man is drinking our Cola.
Third poster- Our man is now totally refreshed.

Then these posters were pasted all over the place
“That should have worked,” said the friend.

The salesman replied “I also didn’t realize that Arabs read from right to left”

There were three men a brunette, a red-hed and a blond. they were opening the lunch boxes, The brunette opened his first and said “AWW nut if I get another turkey sandwitch i’m going to jump of this building. So the red-head opens his lunch and said “AWW nuts if I get another ham sandwitch i’m going to jump off the building.” So the blond opens his lunch and said “AWW nut if I get another boloni sandwitch i’m going to jump off this building”

So the next day……
The brunette opens his lunch and he get turkey so he jumps off the building.
The red-head opens his lunch and gets ham sandwitch so he jumps of the building.
The blnd opens his lunch and gets boloni and so he jumps off the cliff……..

At the funeral The wife’s of the three men are sobbing. The brunettes wife said “if only I knew he didn’t like turkey!” and the other people are confronting her. The red-heads wife said “if only I knew he din’t like ham!” and the people are confronting her. so all the people turn to the blonds wife and she said “What don’t look at me he made his own lunches.”

This joke was submitted by Mia.

LAW OF QUEUE: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.

LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.

BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.

LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will!