Funny Jokes - Page 3

Parcel Pick-up Notice

A woman came storming at the Postal counter. She gave a parcel Pick-up notice and complained, “This morning, your mailman came with our parcel for delivery. He left this note for us to pick up from Post office, but my husband was home all the time. Why could not he knock our doors and deliver parcel at home?”

The Post master was polite and apologetic. He went inside brought the parcel and delivered it to the lady. Then just casually he asked, “Ma’am what is inside this parcel that upsets you so much?”

The lady replied, “My husband’s first new hearing aids.”


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Marketing vs Support Staff

An interoffice baseball game was held every year between the marketing and support staff of one company. The support staff whipped the marketing department soundly.

To show just “how” the marketing department earns their keep, they posted this memo on the bulletin board after the game:

“The Marketing Department is pleased to announce that for the 2007 baseball Season, we came in 2nd place, having lost but one game all year.

The Support Department, however, had a rather dismal season, as they won only one game.”


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Two Engined Train

A large two-engined train was crossing America. After they had gone some distance, one of the engines broke down. “No problem,” the engineer thought, and carried on at half power.

Farther on down the line, the other engine broke down, and the train came to a standstill.

The engineer decided he should inform the passengers about why the train had stopped, and made the following announcement:

“Ladies and gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that both engines have failed, and we will be stuck here for some time. The good news is that you decided to take the train and not fly.”


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10 Things which will aways happen to you

If you’ll watch your team during a crucial game they will lose.

Regardless of how fast you go, someone behind you is in a hurry.

Your print job is always behind the Largest Print job in the Queue.

The amount of pain is inversely proportionate to the amount of ice left in the ice maker.

Whenever you have something important to do the next morning, the alarm will never go off.

The time you have to wait before going to bed increases proportionally to how tired you are.

Your child will always wait until you are fully dressed for work before spilling their food on you.

No matter the length of warranty coverage, on the day that the warranty expires the car will break down.

When you need to carry a child they will want to walk. When you want them to walk they will want to be carried.

If you burn your finger minutes can seem like hours; When you’re with your loved one hours can seem like minutes.


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28 Oxymoron’s You Will Enjoy

An oxymoron is defined as a figure of speech that combines contradictory terms.

Good Kid
Holy War
Soft Rock
Good Grief
Living Dead
New Classic
Pretty Ugly
Small Crowd
Freezer Burn
Sweet Sorrow
Act Naturally
Found Missing
Sensitive Man
Silent Scream
Advanced Basic
Almost Exactly
Alone Together
Diet Ice Cream
Exact Estimate
Happily Married
Microsoft Works
Plastic Glasses
Same Difference
Great Depression
Working Vacation
Everything Except
Honest Politician


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Who Cares

The young mother was advised by a psychiatrist, “You are far too upset and worried about your son. I am going to give you a prescription for some tranquillizers that I want you to start taking regularly.”

On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, “Have the tranquilizers calmed you down any?”

“Oh, yes” the mother answered. “They do wonders for me.”

“And how is your son now?” he asked.

She replied, “Who cares …”


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What is PI?

Mathematician: Pi is the ratio of the circumference of a circle to its diameter.

Engineer: Pi is about 22/7.

Physicist: Pi is 3.14159 plus or minus 0.000005

Computer Programmer: Pi is 3.141592653589 in double precision.

Little Johnny: Pie is a healthy and delicious dessert!


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