Funny Junk

Yo mama is so stupid she died in a non fatal crash

This joke was submitted by dingy.

If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman.
If you don’t, you are not a man.
If you praise her, she thinks you are lying.
If you don’t, you are good for nothing.
If you agree to all her likes, you are a wimp.
If you don’t, you are not understanding.
If you visit her often, she thinks it is boring.
If you don’t, she accuses you of double-crossing.
If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy.
If you don’t, you are a dull boy.
If you are jealous, she says it’s bad.
If you don’t, she thinks you do not love her.
If you attempt a romance, she says you didn’t respect her.
If you don’t, she thinks you do not like her.
If you are a minute late, she complains it’s hard to wait.
If she is late, she says that’s a girl’s way.
If you visit another man, you’re not putting in “quality time”.
If she is visited by another man, “oh it’s natural we are girls”.
If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold.
If you kiss her often, she yells that you are taking advantage.
If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics.
If you do, she thinks it’s just one of men’s tactics for seduction.
If you stare at another woman, she accuses you of flirting.
If she is stared by other men, she says that they are just admiring.
If you talk, she wants you to listen.
If you listen, she wants you to talk.

Oh! WOMAN….
Simple, yet so complex.
So weak, yet so powerful.
So confusing, yet so desirable.
So damning, yet so wonderful…..
…WOMEN!…. You are too…. Great…..

This joke was submitted by Mikey.

One day a man spotted a lamp by the roadside.He picked it up, rubbed it vigorously, and a genie appeared.
“I’ll grant you your fondest wish,” the genie said.
The man thought for a moment, then said, “I want a spectacular job — a job that no man has ever succeeded at or has ever even dared try.”
“Poof!” said the genie.
“You’re a housewife.”

A little old lady was driving along the road (relatively quickly) when a police car pulled her over. The passenger of the police car got out and walked over to her window, to tell her she was driving too fast.
“Excuse me, Ma’am,” he said, “but you’re over the speed limit. Can I see yourdrivers’ licence?”
“Don’t have one.” She replied.
“I see…well, I’ll have to take you down to the police station then.”
“Sorry,” she apologized, “but I’ve got a body in the boot and five bags of crack that needs delivering. I really don’t have much time.”Amazed and slightly worried, the officer called on his senior to investigate,
before sitting in front of the wheel in case the old lady decided to drive off suddenly. The officer walked toward the old lady to ask the problem.
“Excuse me, Ma’am,” she said, “but my partner said you don’t have a license, have a body in the back and five bags of crack you need to deliver. Mind if I check it out?”
“Not at all, Miss.” The little old lady replied. After investigating the entire car,the officer came up empty handed and walked to the front.
“I can’t find any body, or any drugs. Can I see your license?”
“Sure,” said the old lady, offering her license. “And I bet your partner thought I was speeding, too.”

This joke was submitted by Ella Wyse.