Your mother uses your father’s one
Your Aunt uses your Uncle’s
Your grandma uses you grandpa’s
Your sister uses you brother in law’s
Guess what is it??
Surname, you dirty mind
lOol
This joke was submitted by TheGodfather.
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The CEO of a Vacuum Cleaner company was impatient with the poor job his salespeople were doing, so one day he decided to do the job himself. “My salespeople just don’t know how to sell vaccumms!” he said. “I will show them how to make a sale!”
He pulled up to an old house in his Mercedes Benz and knocked confidently on the door. A little old barefoot man wearing overalls and an old baseball cap on his head answered the knock on the door, only to be confronted by the very well dressed and dignified CEO in a $2,000 navy blue pin-striped business suit, a Hermes silk tie, a starched white shirt with monogrammed cufflinks, $700 shoes polished like black mirrors, and carrying a vacuum cleaner.
“Good morning,” said the well-dressed and impeccably groomed CEO. “If I could take a couple minutes of your time, sir, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.”
“Get lost, Mister fancy suit!” said the old man. “I haven’t got any money. Get out of here!” and he proceeded to close the door.
Quick as a flash, the CEO wedged his highly polished Italian shoe in the door and pushed it wide open.
“Don’t be too hasty, sir!” he said. “Not until you have at least seen my demonstration. If you will allow me!”
The old man again told him to get lost. And with that, the CEO emptied a bucket of mud all over his living room carpet.
“I will make a bet with you, sir! Any amount! If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this mess from your carpet, sir, I will pay up! I am the CEO! You have my GUARANTEE! Just name your price!”
“I don’t want yer money, suit boy” said the old man angrily. “I told you take your Armonte suit and get out!”
But the CEO corrected him, “That is ARMANI. And I am going to clean up all of the mud I dropped! If you don’t want money, what DO you want? Just name it!”
The old man looked the CEO up and down, and then up and down again. His face broke into a sly grin.
“Alright, suit boy, here’s the bet: if you don’t clean it all up, I’ll swap those fancy clothes of yours fer what I got on. It looks to me like we’re about the same size. Now I don’t just mean your nice Armani suit. I mean everything you got on: that pretty tie, those shiny shoes, yer shirt, yer belt, everything! Even yer socks. And all you get are my overalls and my cap in return. Nothin’ else. Deal?”
“My clothes?!” said the CEO in surprise. “You want me to bet my CLOTHES? Well, I didn’t expect that, but of course, that’s fine! I’ll give you all my clothes if I don’t clean up every bit of dirt!” His smiled beamed with confidence.
“And I’ll take yer wristwatch, too..And you gotta wear my cap, too” said the old man.
“Of course! My Omega Seamaster!” the CEO chuckled. “Now I will get to work..”
“Lemme ask you somethin’, pal…Where are you goin’ when you leave here?”
The CEO answered in an arrogant voice: “To a VERY important business conference! WHY?”
“Will they let you in if yer barefoot?” said the old man.
“Of course not! But I have no intention of showing up in my bare feet!” said the surprised CEO. “But what…”
“How much did you pay for those socks you’ve got on? I had my eye on them” asked the old man.
“Thirty dollars” said the bewildered CEO.
“I ain’t never worn thirty dollar socks before!” said the old man. “It will be kinda hard for a bigshot like you to wear overalls in place of a suit to work, I guess! But there’s always a first time!” said the old man.
“WHAT?!” said the confused CEO.
“What do you call them shiny shoes? Are they Eyetalian?” said the old man.
“Yes, they are Ferragamos, but why are you….?” and the CEO was even more bewildered.
“Sounds good to me. And will you show how me to tie a necktie? And how to work them cufflinks?” said the old man…
One hour later, the door of the apartment opened, and the CEO carefully looked out. Seeing that no one was around, his foot appeared.
A bare foot.
He stepped out into the hallway – dressed only in very dirty overalls, and barefoot. The old ball cap was placed on top of his neatly styled hair. His expensive executive suit, shoes, shirt and tie had vanished, and his watch was gone from his wrist, along with his confidence and dignity.
The old man watched him run away to his car with a grin, admiring the expensive Armani pinstriped suit and silk tie he had just acquired. He then sat down and pulled on the CEO’s thirty dollar socks and then eased his feet into the former owner’s mirror-shined Italian shoes.
“Now I gotta see about payin’ that electric bill…”
This joke was submitted by Jim.
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Employees leave letters:
“Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave..”
From an employee who was performing the “mundan” ceremony of his 10 year old son: “As I want to shave my son’s head, please leave me for two days..”
Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter’s wedding: “As I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week’s leave..”
“As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave.”
“My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave”.
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“Since I’ve to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave”
“I am suffering from fever, please declare one-day holiday.”
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A leave letter to the headmaster:
“As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today”
“As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day.”
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Covering note:
“I am enclosed herewith…”
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Letter writing:
“I am well here and hope you are also in the same well.”
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A candidate’s job application:
“This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ‘ Typist and an Accountant – Male or Female’…. As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post.
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A: I’m in a big trouble!
B: Why is that?
A: I saw a mouse in my house!
B: Oh, well, all you need to do is use a trap.
A: I don’t have one.
B: Well then, buy one.
A: Can’t afford one.
B: I can give you mine if you want.
A: That sounds good.
B: All you need to do is just use some cheese in order to make the mouse come to the trap.
A: I don’t have any cheese.
B: Okay then, take a piece of bread and put a bit of oil in it and put it in the trap.
A: I don’t have oil.
B: Well, then put only a small piece of bread.
A: I don’t have bread.
B: Then what is the mouse doing at your house?!
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There was a lady who was having a really bad day. She went to work and while sitting in traffic she rear-ended the car in front of her. The person got out of the car, and he was a midget. He looked at her and said, ” I am not happy!” She replied, “Then which one are you?”
This joke was submitted by Caitlyn.
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There was 1 Hawaiian 1 Philipino and 1 Portuguese.they were stranded in the desert. So the Hawaiian had water so he wouldn’t get thirsty.The Philipino had food so he doesn’t get hungry n the Portuguese had a car door.so the Hawaiian n philipino asked the Portuguese why did u bring the door. Portuguese said so if i get hot i can role the window down!
This joke was submitted by josh da hawaiian 808.
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So one day there were three dudes. For lunch, Brad, always got tuna and so he says,”If I get tuna 1 more time I’m going to jump off this building.” So then Larry gets his lunch and he gets tacos Again! And so he says,”If I get tacos 1 more time, I’m gonna electrocute myself severely.” Then, Cameron goes to get his lunch and he got salad again, so he says,” If I get salad one more time I’ll stab my self in the heart!” So then the next day they got the same food, so they had to have a funeral. So then everybody turns their head to look at Brad’s wife and she said,” If I knew about this I would not have given him tuna again.” Everybody turns their head to Larry’s girlfriend and she says,” If I would have known about this earlier, I would’ve given him something like spaghetti.” Then everybody turns their head at Cameron’s woman and she said,” Don’t look at me, he goes to McDonald’s every morning at 8:00 am and he buys his own lunch.”
This joke was submitted by Sophurs.
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