The city miser was on his death bed, as his last request he asked to be alone with his lawyer, doctor, and priest. “I know I am going to die” he said ” and I would like to take my money with me, so I am going to give each of you $150,000 and I want you to each make sure the money gets in the coffin.” It was a few days after the funeral when the priest over flowing with guilt finally confided to the other two that he only put $100,000 back. “I’m glad you brought it up” said the doctor, “because I have also been feeling guilty, I only put $80,000 back.” “You people should be ashamed of yourselves” stormed the lawyer “stealing money like that, am I the only honest person here? Here look at this” he said pulling out his check book, “look I wrote out a check for the full $150,000!”

An airliner was having engine trouble and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to
have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing.

A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.

All set back here, Captain,came the reply,except for one lawyer who is still going around passing out business cards.

This joke was submitted by Pinny.

There was a lawyer and a dumb blonde on a hill, the lawyer says to the blonde “I’ll ask you a question and if you get it wrong you owe me five dollars, but if you ask me a question and I get it wrong I owe you five hundred dollars.
So he asks what’s 2+2?
She didn’t know so she gives him five dollars.
Then she asks the lawyer what goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down with 2? He opens his laptop and searches for 4 hours, then he gives up and pays her 500 dollars.
Then he asks her what was it? She hands him 5 dollars. Thats what is called a smart blonde

This joke was submitted by Madisen.

Three Doctors are discussing which types of patients they prefer. Doctor Watson says, ”I prefer librarians. All their organs are alphabetized. ”

Doctor Fitzpatrick says, ”I prefer mathematicians. All their organs are numbered.”

Doctor Ahn says, ”I prefer lawyers. They are gutless, heartless, brainless, spineless, and their heads and rear ends are interchangeable. ”