The lawyer’s son wanted to follow in his father’s footsteps, so he went to law school. He graduated with honors, and then went home to join his father’s firm. At the end of his first day at work he rushed into his father’s office, and said, “Father, father, in one day I broke the accident case that you’ve been working on for ten years!”
His father responded: “You idiot, we could live on the funding of that case for another ten years!”
Email This Post
A new client had just come in to see a famous lawyer.
“Can you tell me how much you charge?”, said the client.
“Of course”, the lawyer replied, “I charge $200 to answer three questions!”
“Well that’s a bit steep, isn’t it?”
“Yes it is”, said the lawyer, “And what’s your third question?”
Email This Post
A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter. Fortunately, the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to a neighbor of his. The neighbor happened to be a lawyer.
Incensed at the theft, the butcher called up his neighbor and said, “Hey, if your dog stole a roast from my butcher shop, would you be liable for the cost of the meat?” The lawyer replied, “Of course, how much was the roast?” “$7.98.”
A few days later the butcher received a check in the mail for $7.98. Attached to it was an invoice that read: Legal Consultation Service: $150 .
Email This Post
The local courtroom was packed as testimony began in the sentencing hearing of a woman convicted of murdering her husband of 20 years by poisoning his coffee.
The defense attorney knew he had his work cut out for him trying to make his client appear more sympathetic to the Judge, especially since she had been so “matter-of-fact” about the whole thing all during the trial.
“Mrs. Roth,” he began, “was there any point that morning where you felt pity for your husband ?”
“Well… yeah… I guess…” she replied.
“And when was that?” pressed the attorney.
“Well…,” she replied, “when he asked for his third cup.”
Email This Post
After a lengthy conference with the estranged husband, the lawyer reported to his client. “Mrs. LaMay, I have succeeded in making a settlement with your husband that is eminently fair to both of you.”
“Fair to both ?!?!?!” exploded Mrs. LaMay. “I could have done that myself. What the hell do you think I hired a lawyer for ?”
Email This Post
Carlson was charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz, and after a long trial, the jury acquitted him. Later that day Carlson came back to the judge who had presided at the hearing.
“Your honor,” he said, “I wanna get out a warrant for that dirty lawyer of mine.”
“Why?” asked the judge. “He won your acquittal. What do you want to have him arrested for?”
“Well, your honor,” replied Carlson, “I didn’t have the money to pay his fee, so he went and took the car I stole.”
Email This Post
At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. “Isn’t it true,” he bellowed, “that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?”
The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn’t hear the question.
“Isn’t it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?” the lawyer repeated. The witness still did not respond.
Finally, the judge leaned over and said, “Sir, please answer the question.”
“Oh,” the startled witness said, “I thought he was talking to you.”
Email This Post