Funny Junk

* Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
* If it’s really a “rush job,” run in and interrupt me every ten minutes to inquire how it’s going. That helps.
*Always leave without telling anyone where you’re going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.
* If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don’t open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors is good training.
*If you give me more than one job to do, don’t tell me which is the priority. Let me guess.
*Do your best to keep me late. I like the office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do.
*If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret.
*If you don’t like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversation.
*If you have special instructions for a job, don’t write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done.
*Be nice to me only when the job I’m doing for you could really change your life.

What the new Job-Lingo really means!

“Join our Fast-Paced Company”:
We have no time to train you.

“Casual Work Atmosphere”:
We don’t pay enough to expect that you’ll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

“Must be Deadline Oriented”:
You’ll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

“Some Overtime Required”:
Some time each night and some time each weekend.

View Full Post

“Join our Fast-Paced Company”:
We have no time to train you.

“Casual Work Atmosphere”:
We don’t pay enough to expect that you’ll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

“Must be Deadline Oriented”:
You’ll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

“Some Overtime Required”:
Some time each night and some time each weekend.

“Duties Will Vary”:
Anyone in the office can boss you around.

“Must Have An Eye For Detail”:
We have no quality control.

“Career-Minded”:
Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

“No Phone Calls Please”:
We’ve filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

“Seeking Candidates With a Wide Variety Of Experience”:
You’ll need it to replace three people who just left.

“Problem-Solving Skills a Must”:
You’re walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

“Requires Team Leadership Skills”:
You’ll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

“Good Communication Skills”:
Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.