Once I’m in my bubble bath
I like to stir up more.
Half the suds go in my eyes
And half go on the floor.
The fun is in the bubbles ’cause
They giggle on my skin,
And when I stick them on my face
They dangle from my chin.
And when I splash them hard enough
They pop and disappear,
And then my bath time’s over ’cause
I’ve made the water clear.
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Why do the birds chirp so loudly
why does the wind blow so proudly
everything right now, seems a violation
as i sit here, soggy eyed, at a railway station
God please tell me, what is my crime??
why is it that my train is never on time??
wat has inspired this amorous rhyme?
take a guess and youll win a dime
every morning in the daylight, at 7 am sharp
goes off my alarm, like a reality warp
and i wake up to realise, a dreary time ahead
another day at the station, wishing i was in bed
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If you remember when TV
Used to be black and white
You find you’re getting broader
But your shrinking in your height
If before you go to bed
Your teeth go in a jar
And you forget what your doing
Before you’ve gone too far
If your bladder gets you up
In the middle of the night
You get up in the morning
And you look an awful sight
If you’re not breaking hearts
You’re breaking wind instead
When you’d sooner stay at home
And watch TV in bed
Then my friend I say to you
You’ve finally reached the stage
That is what is called
The golden years of age
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Said the pencil to the paper
You have excess self-esteem
You’ve ideas above your station
You think ‘white’ equates to ‘clean.’
You can talk, you leaden pencil
I’ll remind you without doubt
When you say what I dislike, then
My eraser rubs it out.
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Funny -to be a Century
And see the People going by
I should die of the Oddity
But then I’m not so staid as He
He keeps His Secrets safely very
Were He to tell extremely sorry
This Bashful Globe of Ours would be
So dainty of Publicity
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I hate most track athletes
But sprinters really get my goat
The fastest men on earth they claim
As they strut and preen and gloat
Running very fast in a straight line
Small beer for such a big ego
And they excel for less than ten seconds
Duration unimpressive to my wife I know
On they African plains they’d fail to impress
I can say that without being rude
In the eyes of a hunting lioness
They would be little more than fast food
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In Norwich at my local pub I sat
After a pint and a couple of gins
And contemplated relationships
With my mucker’s for their sins
“I’m divorcing my sweetheart
And soul mate” I tell my friends
“There will be no animosity” I add
“And we will always stay cousins”
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