Funny Junk

Nine Funny New Year Quotes

May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions!
- Joey Adams

Many people look forward to the New Year for a new start on old habits.
- Unknown

A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.
- Unknown

Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account
- Oscar Wilde

An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.
- Bill Vaughan

New Year’s Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.
- James Agate

New Year’s Day…now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.
- Mark Twain

I made no resolutions for the New Year. The habit of making plans, of criticizing, sanctioning and molding my life, is too much of a daily event for me.
- Anais Nin

New Year’s is a harmless annual institution, of no particular use to anybody save as a scapegoat for promiscuous drunks, and friendly calls and humbug resolutions.
- Mark Twain

Email This Post

How Computer Changed Our Life

- Virus was considered a flu.

- Mouse was an animal wife’s were afraid off.

- Hard Drive was a road trip in which we had hard times.

- Cut was done with Knife and Paste was done with a Glue.

- Apple and Blackberry were fruits with nutritional value.

- Keyboard was a Piano and was for entertainment and not work.

- Web was spider’s home and we needed to remove it every 14 days.

- Window was a hole in the wall of a room for ventilation purposes.

Email This Post

Cold Cream Logic

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face.

“Why do you do that, mommy?” he asked.

“To make myself beautiful,”said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.

“What’s the matter?” asked Little Johnny. “Giving up?”

Email This Post

10 Things which will aways happen to you

If you’ll watch your team during a crucial game they will lose.

Regardless of how fast you go, someone behind you is in a hurry.

Your print job is always behind the Largest Print job in the Queue.

The amount of pain is inversely proportionate to the amount of ice left in the ice maker.

Whenever you have something important to do the next morning, the alarm will never go off.

The time you have to wait before going to bed increases proportionally to how tired you are.

Your child will always wait until you are fully dressed for work before spilling their food on you.

No matter the length of warranty coverage, on the day that the warranty expires the car will break down.

When you need to carry a child they will want to walk. When you want them to walk they will want to be carried.

If you burn your finger minutes can seem like hours; When you’re with your loved one hours can seem like minutes.

Email This Post

Office Terms Redefined

SICK DAYS:
We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

PERSONAL DAYS:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.

VACATION DAYS:
All employees will take their vacation at the same time every year. The vacation days are as follows: Jan. 1, July 4 & Dec. 25

SURGERY:
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

Email This Post