Funny Junk

A guy walks into a shoe store and asks for a pair of shoes, size 8. The obviously well trained salesman says, “But sir, you take an 11 or eleven-and-a-half.”

“Just bring me a size eight.”

The sales guy brings them, and the man stuffs his feet into them and stands up in obvious pain.

He turns to the salesman and says, “I’ve lost my house to the I.R.S., I live with my mother-in-law, my daughter ran off with my best friend, my business has filed for bankruptcy, and my son just wouldn’t listen to me. The only pleasure I have left is to come home at night and take my shoes off.”

A man looked at the menu at the airport restaurant, and saw that the sandwiches were named for planes.

“I’ll have a ‘jumbo jet,’” he said.

When the order arrived, he was disappointed to see how small his burger was, but he ate it anyway.

He called his waiter over. “Was that the ‘jumbo jet?’” he asked.

“Yeah,” the waiter answered. “Went pretty fast, didn’t it?”

Two strangers were waiting for the bus and started to talk to each other.

First person: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl?

Second: It’s a girl. She’s my daughter.

First : Oh, I’m sorry, sir. I didn’t know that you were her father.

Second: I’m not. I’m her mother.

A flight attendant on a United Air Lines cross-country flight nervously announced: about 30 minutes outbound from LA, “I don’t know how this happened, but we have 103 passengers aboard and only 40 dinners.”

When the passengers’ muttering had died down, she continued, “Anyone who is kind enough to give up his meal so someone else can eat will receive free drinks for the length of the flight.”

Her next announcement came an hour later. “If anyone wants to change his mind, we still have 29 dinners available!”