Man & Dog In A Bar


One day a man walked into a bar with his dog. He walked up to the counter and the bartender said”We don’t allow dogs in this bar.”The man replied”But sir,my dog is a smart dog it can talk!”The bartender didn’t look impressed but gave him a shot anyway.The man then asked his dog”What grows on a tree?”The dog replied”Bark, Bark”The man again asked his dog and said”What’s above a house?”The dog said “Roof, Roof”Then for the final time the man asked his dog “What’s the opposite of smooth?” The dog replied “Rough, Rough”Very unimpressed the bartender threw them both out of the bar.The dog then turned to his owner and said”Which one did I get wrong?”

This joke was submitted by Bassliner-.

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Yo Mamma Jokes


your mammas so fat when she tured around i missed 3 sesens of lost!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- Submitted by Big Ben

yo mama so stupid that she stole free bread
- Submitted by Will

YO MAMA IS SO UGLY WHEN I TOOK HER TO A HAUNTED HOUSE SHE CAME OUT WITH A JOB APPLICATION!!!!!
- Submitted by Will

yo mamma so old that when she was in school they didnt have history.

yo mamma so fat it takes 2 trains 3 buses and a airplane just 2 get on her good side.

This joke was submitted by paige.

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Whats The Difference?

Whats the difference between Santa Clause and Tiger woods?
Santa stops at three ho’s.

This joke was submitted by -Bobbi C..

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The TV and the Blonde

A blonde walks into a store and stops to look at some stuff. She decides that she wants the tv and tells an employee she wants to buy it. But the employee told her that blondes were not allowed at the store.

So, the blonde dyes her hair red and comes back to the store. She tells the employee that she wants to buy the tv, but he tells her that blondes are not allowed in the store.

So, she dyes her hair brown and goes into the store. She tells the employee that she wants to buy the tv and the employee tells her no blondes allowed.

So she is really frustrated now and says how do you know I’m blonde??? The employee says that its not a tv, its a microwave.

This joke was submitted by Maddie.

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Men

Men’s Normal heart beat rate is between 60 and 100 beats per minute, but it depends who is near :
> 18 = 80 to 100 heart beats / min
> 25 = 60 to 80 heart beats / min
> 30 = 40 to 60 heart beats / min
> 40 = 20 to 40 heart beats / min
> 50 = 1 to 3 heart attack in a min.

This joke was submitted by Navd Ahmd.

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Yo Mamma Jokes Submitted By Users

Yo mamma so stupid she jumped out of a boat and missed the water!
- Germaine

Yo mamma so stupid she taped a piece of paper on the T.V. and said “Im watching paper-veiw”!!!
- Riah Trejo

ya mamma so poor i stepped on a cigarette and she said who turned the heat off
- jj

ya mamma so fat when she went to the beach the whales sang we are family
- jj

your Momma so fat that she doesn’t have to use the internet because she’s world wide
- Milo/funnyface

Yo mamma so poor she goes to KFC to lick other peoples fingers!!:)
- Dylan mc sorley

yo mamma’s so hairy there were bushrangers in the woods they mistaked your mamma as a bear and shot the poor love
- zander

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Some Funny Questions

Do you know the answers??? :)

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?

Why do banks charge a fee on “insufficient funds” when they know there is not enough money?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why doesn’t glue stick to the bottle?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, “It’s all right?” Well, it isn’t all right, so why don’t we say, “That hurt, you stupid idiot?”

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