Puzzle


A blonde calls her boyfriend at 5 in the afternoon. “I need help with this KILLER tiger puzzle, I’ve been working on it since this morning!” So the boyfriend goes to her house, looks at the puzzle pieces on the table, then the box, and sighed. Okay….First, no matter what we do to this it isn’t going to look ANYTHING like a tiger. Second, relax, de-stress….and third…..” The boyfriend now puts his head in his hand and sighs. “…help me clean up the damn frosted flakes.”

This joke was submitted by Kittehcat.

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Blonde Went To Hairstyler


A blonde enters a barber shop wearing headphones. The barber tells her she needs to remove them if she wants a haircut. “I need them!” the blonde said. The barber said she needed to take them off again, and again she said “I need them!” Finally, the barber takes off the headphones and the blonde falls to the ground, dead. The barber puts on the headphones to see what was so important, and a voice said…

“Breathe In……….Out. Breathe In………..Out…..”

This joke was submitted by Kittehcat.

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Birthday Tease

I hastily tried to search online,
For the perfect birthday rhyme.
But couldn’t find a suitable poem,
And just decided to make up my own.

You’re cute and cuddly, just like a doll,
I just want to grab your hand and go for a stroll.
Actually just teasing! I think you’re pleasantly mature,
And even find that u’ve got a certain mysterious allure.

Birthdays can sometimes be a little drab, I’m sure,
But can be fixed with laughter, it’s the only cure!
You’re rare and a little eccentric,
An awfully cool friend, for a chick!

I wish you a super fabulous birthday,
And hope there is a hundred more, everyone more special than today.

This joke was submitted by Christiaan de Wet.

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Whish I was there

Twiddling my fingers, don’t know what to write,
Especially as you’re over the horizon & outa sight
What will I do, what can a say………
I guess I can start, with happy birthday!

I tried, but found it a little bit hard,
To find and post you a birthday card.
So a poem instead I decided to write,
And plan to send with love on a magical kite.

Now I’m doing well & is on a roll,
But still feel like a man applying for parole
Wish I could magically transport myself over there
In order to look over the counter, with a shy little stare

This day should be special and end with some flair,
People around you, with party hats that care.
When the clock at twelve will strike,
I better find you singing, as if you had a mike.

The song should be jolly and a little bit gay,
Loud as hell, screaming it’s my birthday!

This joke was submitted by Christiaan de Wet.

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Little Johnny And Missing God

Little Johnny’s parents were at their wits end as to what to do about their son’s behavior. His mother had heard that a priest in town had been successful in disciplining children in the past, so she asked her husband if they should send Little Johnny to speak with the priest.

The husband said, “We might as well… we need to do something before I really lose my temper!”

The priest agreed to speak with Little Johnny. The priest sat him down and asked him sternly,
“Where is God?”

Little Johnny made no response, so the priest repeated the question in an even sterner tone, “Where is God?”

Again, Little Johnny made no attempt to answer, so the priest raised his voice again and shook his finger in the boy’s face, “Where is God?”

A frightened Little Johnny ran out of the room and directly home to his bedroom, where he slammed himself in the closet.

Little Johnny’s mother followed him into the closet and asked, “What happened?”

Little Johnny replied, “I’m in BIG trouble this time… God is missing and they think I did it!”

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Alcohol And Health

Once, the Ministry of Health are deeply concerned over the liquor drinking habits of the farmers and they decide to spread awareness amongst these farmers that liquor is dangerous for health.

They visit one such village and call upon all the farmers to see the presentation. They keep two glasses on the table, one filled with liquor and the other with water.

They put a insect in the glass which is filled with liquor and after some time the insect dies. Then they put a another insect in the glass which is filled with water and even after some time, the insect is still alive.

They tell the farmers that see how harmful liquor is for your health.

Farmers think for a moment and say that now they will drink even more liquor. Ministry of Health people are amazed and ask why? Farmers say because it will kill all the insects in their stomach.

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The President’s Puzzle

Dick Cheney walks into the Oval Office and sees The President whooping and hollering. “What’s the matter, Mr. President?” The Vice President inquired.
“Nothing at all, boss. I just done finished a jigsaw puzzle in record time!” The President beamed.
“How long did it take you?”
“Well, the box said ‘3 to 5 Years’ but I did it in a month!”

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