Little Johnny had been searching through a stationer’s stock of greeting cards for some time when a clerk asked,
“Just what is it you’re looking for? A birthday greeting, message to a sick friend? An anniversary, or a congratulations to your mom and dad?”
Little Johnny shook his head and answered, “No….got any blank report cards?”
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An old man walks into the tax collector’s office and sat down and smiled at everyone.
“May I help you?” said the clerk in charge.
“No,” said the old man. “I just wanted to meet the people I have been working for all these years.”
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A Blonde goes to the bank and applies for a loan.
“I want a loan, I’m going to divorce my husband.”
“Oh, we don’t give loans for divorces” the manager says, “We make loans for appliances, automobiles, businesses, home improvements….”
Blonde interrupts and says, “Well, this is certainly a ‘Home Improvement.’
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During the minister’s prayer, one Sunday, there was a loud whistle from one of the back pews.
Little Johnny’s mother was horrified. She pinched him into silence and, after church, asked, “Johnny, whomade you do such a thing?”
Little Johnny answered, soberly, “I asked God to teach me to whistle, and He just then did!”
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A one-dollar bill met a twenty-dollar bill and said, “Hey, where have you been? I haven’t seen you around here much.”
The twenty answered, “I’ve been hanging out at the casinos, went on a cruise and did the rounds of the ship, back to the United States for a while, went to a couple of baseball games, to the mall, that kind of stuff. How about you?”
The one dollar bill said, “You know, same old stuff – church, church, church.”
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A man who was buying a sports shirt found the largest size was even not fitting.
“Where do I go from here?” he asked the clerk
“To the gym,” she replied.
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A guy walks into a shoe store and asks for a pair of shoes, size 8. The obviously well trained salesman says, “But sir, you take an 11 or eleven-and-a-half.”
“Just bring me a size eight.”
The sales guy brings them, and the man stuffs his feet into them and stands up in obvious pain.
He turns to the salesman and says, “I’ve lost my house to the I.R.S., I live with my mother-in-law, my daughter ran off with my best friend, my business has filed for bankruptcy, and my son just wouldn’t listen to me. The only pleasure I have left is to come home at night and take my shoes off.”
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