Dick Cheney walks into the Oval Office and sees The President whooping and hollering. “What’s the matter, Mr. President?” The Vice President inquired.
“Nothing at all, boss. I just done finished a jigsaw puzzle in record time!” The President beamed.
“How long did it take you?”
“Well, the box said ‘3 to 5 Years’ but I did it in a month!”
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A disappointed salesman of Cola company returns from his Middle East assignment. A friend asked, “Why weren’t you successful with the Arabs?”
The salesman explained, “When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I would make a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there.
But, I had a problem I didn’t know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through three posters…
First poster – A man lying in the hot desert sand…totally exhausted and fainting.
Second poster – man is drinking our Cola.
Third poster- Our man is now totally refreshed.
Then these posters were pasted all over the place
“That should have worked,” said the friend.
The salesman replied “I also didn’t realize that Arabs read from right to left”
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There was a lawyer and a dumb blonde on a hill, the lawyer says to the blonde “I’ll ask you a question and if you get it wrong you owe me five dollars, but if you ask me a question and I get it wrong I owe you five hundred dollars.
So he asks what’s 2+2?
She didn’t know so she gives him five dollars.
Then she asks the lawyer what goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down with 2? He opens his laptop and searches for 4 hours, then he gives up and pays her 500 dollars.
Then he asks her what was it? She hands him 5 dollars. Thats what is called a smart blonde 
This joke was submitted by Madisen.
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A guy walked in to a Doctors office to get a checkup…….. after a while the
Doctor comes out and says “I Got good news and bad news”
The guy said “Well whats the good news???”
The Doctor said “The good news is you have 48 hours to live”
Then the guy said “Well whats the bad news?”
The Doctor said “Well the bad news is…. I forgot to tell you yesterday!!!”
This joke was submitted by QutiePie_15!!!!!!!.
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I’m writing you this new love letter
and then I’ll post it to your door
So you can understand my love much better
and see you’re the one that I adore
I’ve had plenty time to think and dream
as I watched you from my car
As the restraining order says, you see
I should stay at least fifty feet far
And when I call at 4 AM
you never pick up the phone
I call because I know that you
are all alone at home
How much I love, you’ll never know
I know your blood type and ID number
And with a smiling face pressed against you window
I watch you as you slumber
You’d love the shrine I made of you
I keep it with great care
And your doll I made will look like new
with a couple more strands of your hair
I smile when I think of last Valentine’s Day,
and that look upon your face
Before you screamed and ran away
and sprayed my face with mace
I know one day we’ll marry at last
yet until that magical time
The question, for the fifteenth time, I ask
Will you be my Valentine?
This joke was submitted by Dudle.
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I’m telling,
Your smelling,
You went to Brarbie’s Wedding,
You kissed her,
You hugged her,
YOU EVEN SAID YOU LOVED HER!
You took her to the sweetshop and bought her bubblegum,
and when she wasn’t looking you stuck it up her AHEM!
This joke was submitted by Ben.
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Kind, intelligent, loving and hot
This describes everything you are not.
———————————————–
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl’s empty and so is your head.
———————————————–
Can you sing? Not a thing!
Can you dance? Not a chance!
Can you play? Me, no way!
Can you eat and drink? All day!
———————————————–
Tilly the fat cat
Loves a tasty mouse.
But when she sees a rat
She runs back into the house.
———————————————–
Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face.
———————————————–
Emily went to the zoo
And she saw a kangaroo.
“Look, a pocket on her tummy!
Can’t you get one for me, mommy?”
———————————————–
I love your smile, your face and your eyes
Damn, I’m good at telling lies!
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