Yo mama so fat she has to get her ears pierced with a harpoon!!!
- Brendo
Your mamas so fat that shes the cause of earthquakes.
- Breanna
your mums is so fat her family photos are taken by satellite image……..
This joke was submitted by jesse.
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The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews And testing were done, there were 3 finalists;
Two men and a woman.
For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
‘We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting. In a chair .. . . Kill her!!’
The man said, ‘You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife.’
The agent said, ‘Then you’re not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.’
The second man was given the same instructions.He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, ‘I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.’ The agent said, ‘You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.’
Finally, it was the woman’s turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the Woman, wiping the sweat from her brow.
‘This gun is loaded with blanks’ she said. ‘I had to beat him to death with the chair.
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There were three men a brunette, a red-hed and a blond. they were opening the lunch boxes, The brunette opened his first and said “AWW nut if I get another turkey sandwitch i’m going to jump of this building. So the red-head opens his lunch and said “AWW nuts if I get another ham sandwitch i’m going to jump off the building.” So the blond opens his lunch and said “AWW nut if I get another boloni sandwitch i’m going to jump off this building”
So the next day……
The brunette opens his lunch and he get turkey so he jumps off the building.
The red-head opens his lunch and gets ham sandwitch so he jumps of the building.
The blnd opens his lunch and gets boloni and so he jumps off the cliff……..
At the funeral The wife’s of the three men are sobbing. The brunettes wife said “if only I knew he didn’t like turkey!” and the other people are confronting her. The red-heads wife said “if only I knew he din’t like ham!” and the people are confronting her. so all the people turn to the blonds wife and she said “What don’t look at me he made his own lunches.”
This joke was submitted by Mia.
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There was a blond and brunette and a red head all on a magical mountain. They all get to the top and find a magic golden statue. The statue said that whatever the girls said they would turn into.
So the brunette says eagle and is happy to get off the mountain and flies away.
The Red head says hawk and is also happy to get off of he mountain and flies away.
Finally the blond trips over a rock and says “crap” and turns into a peace of crap and rolls dow magic mountain.
This joke was submitted by Breanna.
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yo mama so fat she went swimming in the ocean and the whales started singing ‘we are family’
yo mama so fat i have to take two trains and a bus too get on her good side
she’s fat, she’s round, she bounces on the ground!
IT’S YOUR MUM! IT’S YOUR MUM!
yo mama’s so fat that when she went buggie jumping she went straight to hell
This joke was submitted by shezza.
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LAW OF QUEUE: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.
LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.
LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.
LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will!
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Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the side of a deserted road.Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a halt. The driver, a man dressed in an Armani suit, Cerutti shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses, TAG-Heuer wrist-watch, and a Pierre Cardin tie, gets out and asks the Shepherd:
“If I can tell you how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?” The shepherd looks at the young man, and then looks at the large flock of grazing sheep and replies:”Okay.”
The young man parks the car,connects his laptop to the mobile-fax,enters a NASA Webster, scans the ground using his GPS, opens a database and 60 Excel tables filled withlogarithms and pivot tables, then prints out a 10 page report on his high-tech mini-printer.
He turns to the shepherd and says, “You have exactly 1,586 sheep here.”
The shepherd cheers,”That’s correct, you an have your sheep.” The young man makes his pick and puts it in the back of his Porsche.
The shepherd looks at him and asks: “If I guess your profession, will you return my animal to me?” The young man answers, “Yes, why not”.
The shepherd says, “You are a Management Consultant from a top-notch consultancy”.
How did you know?” asks the surprised young man.
“Very simple,” answers the shepherd.
“First, you came here without being called.
Second, you charged me a fee to tell me something I already knew, And
Third, you don’t understand anything about my business…
Now can I have my DOG back?”
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