A redneck is riding in a cab when they see a guy kicking a woman who’s lying on the sidewalk.
The cabbie zooms over, jumps out, and runs to help the lady.
Redneck rolls down the window, and starts yelling, “Stop it! Stop it! Stop the meter!”
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A radical feminist is getting on a bus when, just in front of her, a man gets up from his seat. She thinks to herself, “Here’s another man trying to keep up the customs of a patriarchal society by offering a poor, defenseless woman his seat,” and she pushes him back onto the seat.
A few minutes later, the man tries to get up again. She is insulted again and refuses to let him up. Finally, the man says, “Look, lady, you’ve got to let me get up. I’m two miles past my stop already.”
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An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests.
First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.
‘Wal-Mart?’ the preacher exclaimed.
‘Why Wal-Mart?’
‘Then I’ll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week.’
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A schoolteacher was given a ticket for driving through a red light.
When she appeared in traffic court, she asked the judge for immediate attention to her case as she was due to be back in class.
The judge looked at her sternly and said: “So that’s you my schoolteacher Ms. Enigma I am about to realize my childhood dream. Ma’am You sit down at that table over there and write ‘I went through a stop sign.’ FIVE HUNDRED TIMES’ then show me.”
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A recent college graduate got hired by the human-development center of a large corporation to train the employees in proper dress code and etiquette.
One day as she was stepping onto the elevator, a man who was casually dressed in jeans and a golf shirt got on with her.
“Dressed a little casually today, aren’t we?” she said in a scolding tone.
“That’s one of the benefits of owning the company,” the man replied with a grin.
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Two blonde sisters were lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor’s dog barking. It had been barking for hours and hours.
Suddenly, one blonde jumps out of bed and says, “I’ve had enough of this,” and goes downstairs.
Finally she comes back up to bed and says, “The dog is still barking. What have you been doing?”
Blonde says, “I’ve put their dog in our yard – now we’ll see how they like it!”
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“This house,” said the real estate salesman, “has both its good points and its bad points. To show you I’m honest, I’m going to tell you about both.
“The disadvantages are that there is a chemical plant one block south and a slaughterhouse a block north.”
“What are the advantages?” inquired the prospective buyer.
“The advantage is that you can always tell which way the wind is blowing.”
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