Two Old Rednecks were sitting and suddenly, Bill said to John, “I met this horrible and rude man downtown this morning, and right away I knew he was a troublemaker. He started to insult me; he used really bad language; he even threatened me!”
“How did you meet this fellow?” John asked, very concerned.
Bill said, “Well, we met by accident. I hit him with the car.”
Email This Post
The elderly American Navy Soldier arrived in Paris by plane. At French Customs, he fumbled for his passport.
“You ‘ave been to France before, monsieur?” the customs officer asked sarcastically.
The old gent admitted that he had been to France previously.
“Zen, you should know enough to ‘ave your passport ready for inspection.”
The American said, “The last time I was here, I didn’t have to show it.”
“Impossible. You Americans alwayz ‘ave to show your passports on arrival in France!”
The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained, “Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach in the war of 44; I couldn’t find any Frenchmen to show it to!”
Email This Post
A gentleman was lured into a busy florist shop by a large sign in the window that read, “Say It With Flowers.”
“Wrap up one rose,” he told the florist.
“Only one?” the florist asked.
“Just one,” the customer replied. “I’m a man of few words.”
Email This Post
A women saw a little old man with a big smile on his face, sat rocking in a chair on his porch. She walked up to him and said, “I couldn’t help but notice how happy you look. What’s your secret for a long happy life”?
He said, “I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day, I drink a case of whiskey a week, I eat all the fatty foods I can, and never do any exercise”.
The women said, “That’s amazing. How old are you now”?
He replied, “Twenty six”.
Email This Post
A redneck came home and found his house on fire, he rushed next door, telephoned the fire department and shouted, “Hurry over here. My house is on fire!”
“OK,” replied the fireman, “how do we get there?”
“Shucks, don’t you still have those big red trucks?”
Email This Post
A woman came storming at the Postal counter. She gave a parcel Pick-up notice and complained, “This morning, your mailman came with our parcel for delivery. He left this note for us to pick up from Post office, but my husband was home all the time. Why could not he knock our doors and deliver parcel at home?”
The Post master was polite and apologetic. He went inside brought the parcel and delivered it to the lady. Then just casually he asked, “Ma’am what is inside this parcel that upsets you so much?”
The lady replied, “My husband’s first new hearing aids.”
Email This Post
A blonde was filling out an accident report. She had dented a parked car while trying to park her own.
One question on the report was, “What could the operator of the other vehicle have done to avoid the accident?”
She wrote, “He could have parked it somewhere else.”
Email This Post