Funny Farmer Jokes

Nobel Prize

A man is driving down a country road when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing.

The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks him, “Ah excuse me mister, but what are you doing?”

The farmer replies, “I’m trying to win a Nobel Prize.”

“How?” asks the man, puzzled.

“Well I heard they give the Nobel Prize to people who are out standing in their field.”


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Wedding Anniversary

An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the old woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their golden wedding anniversary.

‘Let’s have a party, Homer,’ she suggested. ‘Let’s kill a pig.’

The farmer scratched his grizzled head. ‘Geeee,’ he finally answered, ‘I don’t see why the pig should take the blame for something that happened fifty years ago.’


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Great Country

A farmer from Europe visits his son in America for the very first time. They went to a local supermarket.

farmer : “Vas diss, powdered orange juice?”

Son: “Yeah, Dad. You just add water, and you have fresh orange juice!”

A few minutes later, in a different aisle the farmer says: “And whats dis, powdered milk?”

Son: “Yeah, Dad. You just add water, and you have fresh milk!”

A few minutes later, the farmer says: “Und give look here. Baby Powder! Vat a country! They take da fun outta everyting!”


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I Am Fine

An old farmer named Clyde had a car accident. In court, the trucking company’s fancy lawyer was questioning Clyde.

“Didn’t you say at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine,’?” asked the lawyer.

Clyde responded, “Well, I’ll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule, Bessie, into the……”

“I didn’t ask for any details,” the lawyer interrupted. “Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, “I’m fine!’?”

Clyde said, “Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and was driving down the road….”

The lawyer interrupted again and said, “Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.”

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Clyde’s answer and said to the lawyer, “I’d like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule, Bessie.”

Clyde thanked the Judge and proceeded, “Well… as I was sayin’, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was drivin’ her down the highway when this huge semi ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurtin’ real bad and didn’t want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moanin’ and groanin’. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.

Real soon a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moanin’ and groanin’, too. So, he went over to her. After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun in hand, looked at me, and said, ‘How are YOU feeling?’

Now what the heck would you say?”


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Gotta Catch Him

A farmer asked his vet to come out to check on his favorite bull who wasn’t doing well at all.

After checking the bull’s vital signs, the vet reached in his black bag and pulled out a rather large pill.

He forced open the bull’s mouth and crammed the pill down his gullet.

Suddenly the bull jumped up and took off like a banshee, jumping every fence in his way.

The vet exclaimed, “Well, looks like your bull is healed!”

The farmer replied, “Now give me one of those pills. I’ve gotta catch him!”


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Count Yourself

In a small town, farmers of the community had gotten together to discuss some important issues. About midway through the meeting, a wife of one of the farmers stood up and spoke her peace.

When she was done, one of the old farmers stood up and said, “What does she know about anything? I would like to ask her if she knows how many toes a pig has?”

Quick as a flash, the woman replied, “Take off your boots sir, and count them yourself!”


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Dad Won’t Like It

A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load of wheat on the road. The farmer that lived nearby came to investigate.

“Hey, Willis,” he called out, “forget your troubles for a while and come and have dinner with us. Then I’ll help you overturn the wagon.”

“That’s very nice of you,” Willis answered, “but I don’t think Dad would like me to.”

“Aw, come on, son!” the farmer insisted.

“Well, OK,” the boy finally agreed, “but Dad won’t like it.”

After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked the host. “I feel a lot better now, but I know Dad’s going to be real upset.”

“Don’t be silly!” said the neighbor. “By the way, where is he?”

“Under the wagon,” replied Willis.


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