Funny Junk

I went to the doctor because I’d swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, “How can I get my kite in the air?” He told me to run off a cliff.

One year they wanted to make me poster boy – for birth control.

My uncle’s dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the electric chair.

I went to see my doctor. “Doctor, every morning when I get up and I look in the mirror…I feel like throwing up; What’s wrong with me?” He said…”I don’t know but your eyesight is perfect.”

I was so poor growing up … if I wasn’t a boy … I’d have had nothing to play with.

A girl phoned me the other day and said, “Come on over; nobody’s home. “I went over. Nobody was home.

During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.

It’s been a rough day. I got up this morning … put a shirt on and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I’m afraid to go to the bathroom.

I was such an ugly kid…When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio.