Funny Junk

* Why doesn’t DOS ever say “EXCELLENT command or file name!”

* As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.

* Backups? We don’t need no stinking backups.

* E Pluribus Modem

* C:\ File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)

* A mainframe: the biggest PC peripheral available.

* An error? Impossible! My modem is error correcting.

* CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/N)?

* A computer’s attention span is as long as its power cord.

* 11th commandment – Covet not thy neighbor’s Pentium.

* Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.

* Windows: Just another pain in the glass.

* SENILE.COM found . . . Out Of Memory . . .

* RAM disk is *not* an installation procedure.

* All computers wait at the same speed.

“Law of Drunkedness”
You can’t fall off the floor.

“Heller’s Law”
The first myth of management is that it exists.

“Osborne’s Law”
Variables won’t; constants aren’t.

“Main’s Law”
For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.

“Weinberg’s Second Law”
If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would have destroyed civilization.

“The Law of Volunteering”
If you dance with a grizzly bear, you had better let him lead.

“The Law of Avoiding Oversell”
When putting cheese in a mousetrap, always leave room for the mouse.

“The Law of Common Sense”
Never accept a drink from a urologist.

“The Law of Reality”
Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.

“The Law of Self Sacrifice
When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last.

One nice thing about egotists: they don’t talk about other people.

To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it.

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

The older you get, the better you realize you were.

Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

Women like silent men, they think they’re listening.

Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.