Funny Phrases - Page 2

Computer Tips 3

* Computer (dfn): A device designed to speed and automate errors.

* Press to continue …Smash forehead on keyboard to continue… Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue… Just do something!!

* E-mail returned to sender — insufficient voltage.

* Help! I’ve modemed and I can’t hang up!!

* All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?

* Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.

* “640K ought to be enough for anybody.” – Bill Gates, 1981

* DOS Tip #17: Add DEVICE=FNGRCROS.SYS to CONFIG.SYS

* Press any key… no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!

* Press any key to continue or any other key to quit…

* Excuse me for butting in, but I’m interrupt-driven.

* Sped up my XT; ran it on 220v! Works greO?_~”

* Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)

* Read my chips: No new upgrades!

* Hit any user to continue.

* 2400 Baud makes you want to get out and push!!


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Computer Tips 2

* Why doesn’t DOS ever say “EXCELLENT command or file name!”

* As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.

* Backups? We don’t need no stinking backups.

* E Pluribus Modem

* C:\ File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)

* A mainframe: the biggest PC peripheral available.

* An error? Impossible! My modem is error correcting.

* CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/N)?

* A computer’s attention span is as long as its power cord.

* 11th commandment – Covet not thy neighbor’s Pentium.

* Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.

* Windows: Just another pain in the glass.

* SENILE.COM found . . . Out Of Memory . . .

* RAM disk is *not* an installation procedure.

* All computers wait at the same speed.


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Computer Tips 1

* Buy a Pentium 686/300, so you can reboot faster.

* 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2 (especially with the old Pentium chip).

* Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.

* My software never has bugs; it just develops random features.

* C:\WINDOWS C:\WINDOWS\GO C:\PC\CRAWL

* C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN\DOS\RUN

* Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put in new ones.

* The name is Baud… James Baud.

* Access denied–nah nah na nah nah!

* C:\ Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.

* Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! STAAAY…


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Funny Laws 3

“Law of Drunkedness”
You can’t fall off the floor.

“Heller’s Law”
The first myth of management is that it exists.

“Osborne’s Law”
Variables won’t; constants aren’t.

“Main’s Law”
For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.

“Weinberg’s Second Law”
If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would have destroyed civilization.


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Funny Laws 2

“Weiler’s Law”
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn’t have to do it himself.

“Law of Probable Dispersal”
Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

“Law of Volunteer Labor”
People are always available for work in the past tense.

“Conway’s Law”
In any organization there is one person who knows what is going on. That person must be fired.

“Iron Law of Distribution”
Them that has, gets.

“Law of Cybernetic Entomology”
There is always one more bug.


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Funny Laws 1

“The Law of Volunteering”
If you dance with a grizzly bear, you had better let him lead.

“The Law of Avoiding Oversell”
When putting cheese in a mousetrap, always leave room for the mouse.

“The Law of Common Sense”
Never accept a drink from a urologist.

“The Law of Reality”
Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.

“The Law of Self Sacrifice
When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last.


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Mom phrases!!

ADULTS are group of people Mom longs to communicate with after several hours of talking in small words about topics like “who touched who first”

AIRPLANE is what Mom impersonates to get a 1-yr.-old to eat strained beets.

ALIEN is what Mom would suspect had invaded her house if she spotted a child- sized creature cleaning up after itself.

BATHROOM is a room used by the entire family, believed by all except Mom to be self-cleaning.

BECAUSE: Mom’s reason for having kids do things which can’t be explained logically.

BED AND BREAKFAST: Two things the kids will never make for themselves.

CARPET: Expensive floor covering used to catch spills and clean mud off shoes.

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