Funny Junk

A little old lady was driving along the road (relatively quickly) when a police car pulled her over. The passenger of the police car got out and walked over to her window, to tell her she was driving too fast.
“Excuse me, Ma’am,” he said, “but you’re over the speed limit. Can I see yourdrivers’ licence?”
“Don’t have one.” She replied.
“I see…well, I’ll have to take you down to the police station then.”
“Sorry,” she apologized, “but I’ve got a body in the boot and five bags of crack that needs delivering. I really don’t have much time.”Amazed and slightly worried, the officer called on his senior to investigate,
before sitting in front of the wheel in case the old lady decided to drive off suddenly. The officer walked toward the old lady to ask the problem.
“Excuse me, Ma’am,” she said, “but my partner said you don’t have a license, have a body in the back and five bags of crack you need to deliver. Mind if I check it out?”
“Not at all, Miss.” The little old lady replied. After investigating the entire car,the officer came up empty handed and walked to the front.
“I can’t find any body, or any drugs. Can I see your license?”
“Sure,” said the old lady, offering her license. “And I bet your partner thought I was speeding, too.”

This post was submitted by Ella Wyse.

I can’t reach my license unless you hold my beer.

Hey, is that a 9mm? That’s nothing compared to this 44 magnum.

Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me, good job.

Sorry officer, I didn’t realize my radar detector wasn’t plugged in.

I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

What do you mean have I been drinking? You are the trained specialist.

Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriends night stand.

I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer.

I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes I know there is no other car around, that’s how far they are ahead of me.

Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?

Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

A man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, “Can I park here?”
“No,” says the cop.
“What about all these other cars?”
“They didn’t ask!”

A police officer stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. “But officer,” the man began, “I can explain.”

“Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. “I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.”

“But, officer, I just wanted to say,”

“And I said to keep quiet! You’re going to jail!”

A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, “Lucky for you that the chief’s at his daughter’s wedding… He’ll be in a good mood when he gets back.”

“Don’t count on it,” answered the fellow in the cell. “I’m the groom.”