Funny Junk

I’m writing you this new love letter
and then I’ll post it to your door
So you can understand my love much better
and see you’re the one that I adore

I’ve had plenty time to think and dream
as I watched you from my car
As the restraining order says, you see
I should stay at least fifty feet far

And when I call at 4 AM
you never pick up the phone
I call because I know that you
are all alone at home

How much I love, you’ll never know
I know your blood type and ID number
And with a smiling face pressed against you window
I watch you as you slumber

You’d love the shrine I made of you
I keep it with great care
And your doll I made will look like new
with a couple more strands of your hair

I smile when I think of last Valentine’s Day,
and that look upon your face
Before you screamed and ran away
and sprayed my face with mace

I know one day we’ll marry at last
yet until that magical time
The question, for the fifteenth time, I ask
Will you be my Valentine?

This joke was submitted by Dudle.

It’s a Shel Sliverstein poem. It’s in the book Where the sidewalk ends. We are thankful to a visitor for providing this information to us.

“I have the measles and the mumps,
A gash, a rash and purple bumps.
My mouth is wet, my throat is dry.
I’m going blind in my right eye.
My tonsils are as big as rocks,
I’ve counted sixteen chicken pox
And there’s one more-that’s seventeen,
And don’t you think my face looks green?
My leg is cut, my eyes are blue
It might be instamatic flu.
I cough and sneeze and gasp and choke,
I’m sure that my left leg is broke
My hip hurts when I move my chin,
My belly button’s caving in,
My back is wrenched, my ankle’s sprained,
My ‘pendix pains each time it rains.
My nose is cold, my toes are numb,
I have a sliver in my thumb.
My neck is stiff, my voice is weak,
I hardly whisper when I speak.
My tongue is filling up my mouth,
I think my hair is falling out.
My elbow’s bent, my spine ain’t straight,
My temperature is one-o-eight.
My brain is shrunk, I cannot hear,
There’s a hole inside my ear.

I have a hangnail, and my heart is – What?
What’s that? What’s that you say?
You say today is …….Saturday?
G’bye, I’m going out to play!”

Some dinosaurs had tiny brains,
no larger than a pea.
When my teacher read that
it reminded her of me.

I will always remember every moment of that day.
It was in September 1987 after my sixth birthday.
And I will never forget the place too.
It was in the University of Ibadan zoo.

Every Sunday, my father took the whole family there.
It was like a family tradition that was to us, so dear.
But our zoo tradition came to an end that day.

We went to the zoo like every other Sunday.
We moved from hyenas to gorillas and donkeys,
Then we went on to give bananas to the monkeys.

The monkeys rewarded their benefactors with gymnastic displays.
I had seen it all before, but there was something new that day.

There were white people there, also feeding the monkeys,
And I had not seen a white person before in reality.
They attracted my attention and so much occupied my mind,
I did not know when my family moved on and left me behind.

It did not take long before I realised I was lost
And I cried thinking ’see what white people have caused.’
I started roaming round the zoo and crying profusely
Until I met a strange man who promised to help me.

He took my hand and helped me search for my family.
Until we bumped into each other as they also searched for me.
My mother was crying like the spinning of a broken record
And my father’s eyes were amber-red, but to cry he could not afford.

Immediately, they thanked the man and seized me by the hand.
We made for the gate and they swore it was the end.
Till this day, we’ve never been to the zoo again
And I will never stare at white people ever again.

This zoo event was tragic for a moment, but comic after all
And it would remain my Magic Moment forever more.