My wife came home yesterday and said, “Honey, the car won’t start, but I know what the problem is.” I asked her what it was and she told me it has water in the carburetor.
I thought for a moment, then said, “You know I don’t mean this badly, but you don’t know the carburetor from the accelerator.”
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One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in tiny Jonestown wakes
up early and goes to their local church. Before the service starts, the townspeople sit in their pews and talk about their lives, their families, etc.
Suddenly, at the altar, Satan appears! Everyone starts screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in their determined efforts to get away from evil incarnate.
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In a train compartment, there are 3 men and a ravishing young girl. The four passengers join in conversation, which very soon turns to the erotic.
Then, the young girl proposes, “If each of you will give me $1.00, I will show you my legs.” The men, charmed by this young girl, all pull a buck out of their wallet.
And then the girl pulls us her dress a bit to show her legs. Read the rest of this entry »
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“Law of Drunkedness”
You can’t fall off the floor.
“Heller’s Law”
The first myth of management is that it exists.
“Osborne’s Law”
Variables won’t; constants aren’t.
“Main’s Law”
For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
“Weinberg’s Second Law”
If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would have destroyed civilization.
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“Weiler’s Law”
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn’t have to do it himself.
“Law of Probable Dispersal”
Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
“Law of Volunteer Labor”
People are always available for work in the past tense.
“Conway’s Law”
In any organization there is one person who knows what is going on. That person must be fired.
“Iron Law of Distribution”
Them that has, gets.
“Law of Cybernetic Entomology”
There is always one more bug.
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“The Law of Volunteering”
If you dance with a grizzly bear, you had better let him lead.
“The Law of Avoiding Oversell”
When putting cheese in a mousetrap, always leave room for the mouse.
“The Law of Common Sense”
Never accept a drink from a urologist.
“The Law of Reality”
Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
“The Law of Self Sacrifice
When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last.
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Lost: Small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.
Dinner Special: Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.
For Sale: Antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home too!
No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it really repellent.
For Sale: Eight puppies from a German Shepherd and an Alaskan Hussy.
Dog for Sale: Eats anything and is fond of children.
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