Birthday Candle Reality
People say getting older is just a number. Tell that to my birthday candles—pretty sure the fire department is now on speed dial.


















People say getting older is just a number. Tell that to my birthday candles—pretty sure the fire department is now on speed dial.
I tried to make a soufflé last night. Let's just say my kitchen now has a new depression—and it's not just the collapsed pastry.
Watching a Dodgers game is like being in a relationship—you show up, sit through nine innings of disappointment, and somehow convince yourself you'll be back next season.
Nobody talks about how every cooking disaster starts with 'just one more pinch of salt' and ends with you eating cereal standing over the sink in complete darkness.
I told my dog to fetch and he brought back a stick. I told my cat to fetch and he brought back a dead look of judgment. Dogs obey commands; cats obey the laws of physics—and only when convenient.
I watched the World Cup and got really into it. Day 1: casual fan. Day 2: analyzing formations. Day 3: arguing with my cat about offsides while wearing a jersey made of flags.