The Recipe Lie
Nobody talks about how every cooking disaster starts with 'just one more pinch of salt' and ends with you eating cereal standing over the sink in complete darkness.
One Liners
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Dog vs. Cat Logic
I told my dog to fetch and he brought back a stick. I told my cat to fetch and he brought back a dead look of judgment. Dogs obey commands; cats obey the laws of physics—and only when convenient.
Animal Jokes
World Cup Fever
I watched the World Cup and got really into it. Day 1: casual fan. Day 2: analyzing formations. Day 3: arguing with my cat about offsides while wearing a jersey made of flags.
Funny Jokes
Kid's Honest Career Choice
My kid asked what I wanted to be when I grow up. I said, 'Financially stable.' She replied, 'You're already grown up.' She's five and already crushing my dreams.
Funny Jokes
Three Things Adulting Needs
Adulting requires three things: a calendar to track your life, a second calendar because you forgot the first one exists, and a third thing that I've already forgotten what we were talking about.
Funny Jokes
Seattle Fireworks Escalation
Seattle's fireworks got out of hand. First night: nice display. Second night: professional pyrotechnics. Third night: the Space Needle just texted everyone 'I'm moving to Portland, good luck.'
Funny Jokes