I'm so addicted to social media that I staged a outfit photo shoot in my kitchen at 2 AM, posted it, then realized no one saw it because I forgot to tag the location. I deleted it and went back to scrolling for another hour like nothing happened.
Cooking disasters are like bad dates. You start with high expectations, everything falls apart halfway through, and you end up ordering pizza while wondering where you went wrong.
I tried the Oliver Tree body trend. Week 1: Hit the gym. Week 2: Bought expensive sunglasses. Week 3: Started speaking only in whispers. Week 4: Now I'm just a sentient pair of shades at the gym yelling 'HURT' at strangers.
Social media addiction is like heroin: I don't actually use it daily, but I tell people I'm quitting it constantly, and I get anxious if I can't find it in my pocket for five minutes.
Dating apps taught me three things: how to write the perfect bio, how to choose my most flattering photo, and how to accept that nobody reads either one.
Duke Energy has a power outage affecting 200+ people, and somehow they're the ONLY ones with enough electricity to send you a text notification about it. It's like getting a call from your bank saying your account is frozen... from a very expensive satellite.