Funny Aviation Jokes

Free Drinks

A flight attendant on a United Air Lines cross-country flight nervously announced: about 30 minutes outbound from LA, “I don’t know how this happened, but we have 103 passengers aboard and only 40 dinners.”

When the passengers’ muttering had died down, she continued, “Anyone who is kind enough to give up his meal so someone else can eat will receive free drinks for the length of the flight.”

Her next announcement came an hour later. “If anyone wants to change his mind, we still have 29 dinners available!”

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Pilot Drinking

A jet ran into some turbulent weather. To keep the passengers calm the flight attendants brought out the beverage carts.

“I`d like a soda, said a passenger in the first row. Moving along, the attendant asked the man behind her if he would like something.

“Yes, I would, he replied. “Give me whatever the pilot is drinking!

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Murphy Laws Applied to Aviation Sector

Flights never leave from Gate- 1 at any terminal in the world.

The best-looking woman on your flight is never seated next to you.

The crying baby on board your flight is always seated next to you.

If you arrive very early for a flight, it inevitably will be delayed.

Only passengers seated in window seats ever have to get up to go to the lavatory.

If you are running late for a flight, it will depart from the farthest gate within the terminal.

If you must work on your flight, you will experience turbulence as soon as you touch pen to paper.

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Pilot to Tower

Pilot to tower . . . pilot to tower . . . I am 300 miles from land .
600 feet over water . . . and running out of fuel.
please instruct! Tower to pilot . . . tower to pilot.
repeat after me: “Our Father, which art in heaven . . .”

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“Why is the mistletoe hanging over the baggage counter?” asked the airline passenger.

The clerk replied, “It`s so you can kiss your luggage good-bye.

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First Class Seat

A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section of the plane. The stewardess rushes over to her and tells her she must move to coach because she doesn’t have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m smart, I have a good job, and I’m staying in first class until we reach Jamaica.”

The disgusted stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the blonde to leave. The blonde yet again repeats “I’m blonde, I’m smart, I have a good job and I’m staying in first class until we reach Jamaica.” The head stewardesses doesn’t even know what to do at this point because they still have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off; the blonde is causing a problem with boarding now, so the stewardess gets the copilot.

The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head stewardess asks the copilot in amazement what he said to get her to move to her correct seat. The copilot replies, “I told her the front half of the airplane wasn’t going to Jamaica.”

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Blonde in a Plane

A blonde gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. She has never been on an airplane anywhere and was very excited and tense. As soon as she boarded the plane, a Boeing747, she started jumping in excitement, running over seat to seat and starts shouting, “BOEING! BOEING!! BOEING!!! BO…..”

She sort of forgets where she is, even the pilot in the cock-pit hears the noise. Annoyed by the goings on, the Pilot comes out and shouts “Be silent!”

There was pin-drop silence everywhere and everybody is looking at the blonde and the angry Pilot. She stared at the pilot in silence for a moment, concentrated really hard, and all of a sudden started shouting, “OEING! OEING! OEING! OE….”

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