A man was disturbing a nurse by asking lame questions every now and then, he asked, “How can I lose twelve pounds of ugly fat?

Nurse: “Cut your head off.”

Nurse: A beautiful woman who holds your hand for one full minute and then expects your pulse to be normal.

Practical Nurse – One who falls in love with a wealthy old patient.

Off duty Nurse – The nurse who can smile when things go wrong.

LPN – Low Paid Nurse.

* discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you

* you have your weekends off planned for a year in advance

* you mutter, “great veins” when being introduced to a complete stranger

* you think that caffeine should be available in IV form.

* your feet are flatter and tougher than Fred Flintstone’s

* you refer to motorcyclists as “organ donors.”

* your idea of fine dining is anywhere you can sit down to eat

* you stare at someone in utter disbelief when they actually cover their mouth when coughing or sneezing.

A nurse was showing some student nurses through the hospital. “This will be the most hazardous section in the hospital for you. The men on this floor are almost well.”

Doctor: “Did you take the patient’s temperature?”
Nurse: “No. Is it missing?”