Funny Bartenders Jokes

Life Worth Living

On New Year’s Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local pub and said that it was time to get ready. At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living.

Well, it was kind of embarrassing. As the clock struck – the bartender was almost crushed to death.

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Crying in Bar

A guy is at the bar, just staring at his drink, when suddenly bartenders steps up next to him, takes his drink, and gulps it down.

The guy starts crying.

Bartenders says, “Come on, man, I’ll buy you another drink. For Christ sakes, don’t cry.”

The guy says, “You don’t understand. This has been the worst day of my life. First, I sleep late, and when I get to my office, my boss fires me. When I get to the parking lot, I find out my car is stolen. I get a cab home, and when I get there, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards in my desk at work. The cab driver doesn’t believe me, and kicks me. So I come to this bar, and just when I’m thinking about ending it all, you show up and drink my poison.”

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Tsunami Donation

A person walks into a bar and orders a beer. “That will be one dollar,” says the bartender.

“One dollar!” the customer protests, “Last week it was only fifty cents!”

“Well,” replies the bartender, “it’s fifty cents for the beer and fifty cents for the Tsunami Donation.”

Reluctantly, the customer gives the bartender a dollar, but was surprised as the bartender gave him back fifty cents and says, “We are out of beer.”

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Polish Joke

A guy walked into a bar and said to the bartender: “I’ve got this great Polish joke.”

The bartender glared at him and warned him: “Before you go telling that joke, I I think you ought to know that I’m Polish, the two bouncers on the door are Polish and most of my customers are Polish.”

“OK,” said the guy. “I’ll tell it slowly.”

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Money Wasted

A man walks into a bar and asks the Bartenders , ‘Was I in here last night?’

‘You certainly were,’ replies the Bartenders .

‘And did I spend a lot of money?’

‘You spent over £100’, replies the Bartenders .

‘Thank god for that,’ says the man, ‘I thought I’d wasted it.’

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Smart Bartender

A smartly dressed man entered a plush Manhattan bar and took a seat.

The bartender came over and asked: “What can I get you to drink, sir?”

“Nothing, thank you,” replied the man. “I tried alcohol once but I didn’t like it,and I haven’t drunk it since.”

The bartender was a little perplexed but being a friendly, outgoing sort, he pulled out some cigarettes from his pocket, flipped the top of the pack and offered one to the man. But the man refused, saying: “I tried smoking once, didn’t like it, and I have never smoked since. Look, actually, I wouldn’t be in here at all, except that I’m waiting for my son.”

To which the bartender said: “Your only child, I presume?”

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Services of Bartender

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, ‘Do you serve women in this bar?’

‘No,’ replies the barman, ‘you have to bring your own.’

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