A barman, two ponies and a blonde


A blonde enters a bar and asks the barman,
“Oh! Sir! Please! Can you help me? I have just bought two ponies but I can’t tell them apart! What should I do?”
“Why don’t you chop off one of their tails,” the barman replied. “That way you could tell them apart!”

So the blonde left, and came back a month later and said,
“Oh! Please! Can you help me again? Cutting the tails really worked but they’ve grown back! What am I to do now?”
“Why don’t you chop off one of their manes,” the barman replied. “That way you could tell them apart!”

So the blonde left, and came back a month later and said,
“Oh! Please! Can you help me one more time? Cutting the manes really worked but now they’ve grown back. What can I dow now?” She cried in despair and frustration.
“Okay then,” said the barman, who was beginning to get annoyed with the blonde. “Why don’t you measure them?”

So the blonde left and came back the next day.
“Oh thank you so much! Now I can tell my two ponies apart always! The white one is taller than the black one!”

This joke was submitted by Emily.


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Blonde On The Plane Alert


There was plane with 600 passengers aboard and the pilot reported that one of the engines have failed, but he says it’s alright, we still have 3 more. It’ll take an hour more than we expected. Half an hour later, the pilot reports that another engine has failed. He says, “But we’ve still got 2 left, it will just take an hour longer than we expected.” The pilot reports half an hour later that the other engine has failed, “But that’s alright,” he says, “We’ve still got 1 more.” Blond says to the guy sitting next to her, “If that last engine fails, we’ll be up here forever.”

This joke was submitted by Brianna.


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Puzzle

A blonde calls her boyfriend at 5 in the afternoon. “I need help with this KILLER tiger puzzle, I’ve been working on it since this morning!” So the boyfriend goes to her house, looks at the puzzle pieces on the table, then the box, and sighed. Okay….First, no matter what we do to this it isn’t going to look ANYTHING like a tiger. Second, relax, de-stress….and third…..” The boyfriend now puts his head in his hand and sighs. “…help me clean up the damn frosted flakes.”

This joke was submitted by Kittehcat.


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Blonde Went To Hairstyler

A blonde enters a barber shop wearing headphones. The barber tells her she needs to remove them if she wants a haircut. “I need them!” the blonde said. The barber said she needed to take them off again, and again she said “I need them!” Finally, the barber takes off the headphones and the blonde falls to the ground, dead. The barber puts on the headphones to see what was so important, and a voice said…

“Breathe In……….Out. Breathe In………..Out…..”

This joke was submitted by Kittehcat.


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Lawyer and Dumb Blonde

There was a lawyer and a dumb blonde on a hill, the lawyer says to the blonde “I’ll ask you a question and if you get it wrong you owe me five dollars, but if you ask me a question and I get it wrong I owe you five hundred dollars.
So he asks what’s 2+2?
She didn’t know so she gives him five dollars.
Then she asks the lawyer what goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down with 2? He opens his laptop and searches for 4 hours, then he gives up and pays her 500 dollars.
Then he asks her what was it? She hands him 5 dollars. Thats what is called a smart blonde :)

This joke was submitted by Madisen.


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Lunch Box

There were three men a brunette, a red-hed and a blond. they were opening the lunch boxes, The brunette opened his first and said “AWW nut if I get another turkey sandwitch i’m going to jump of this building. So the red-head opens his lunch and said “AWW nuts if I get another ham sandwitch i’m going to jump off the building.” So the blond opens his lunch and said “AWW nut if I get another boloni sandwitch i’m going to jump off this building”

So the next day……
The brunette opens his lunch and he get turkey so he jumps off the building.
The red-head opens his lunch and gets ham sandwitch so he jumps of the building.
The blnd opens his lunch and gets boloni and so he jumps off the cliff……..

At the funeral The wife’s of the three men are sobbing. The brunettes wife said “if only I knew he didn’t like turkey!” and the other people are confronting her. The red-heads wife said “if only I knew he din’t like ham!” and the people are confronting her. so all the people turn to the blonds wife and she said “What don’t look at me he made his own lunches.”

This joke was submitted by Mia.


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Magic Mountain

There was a blond and brunette and a red head all on a magical mountain. They all get to the top and find a magic golden statue. The statue said that whatever the girls said they would turn into.
So the brunette says eagle and is happy to get off the mountain and flies away.
The Red head says hawk and is also happy to get off of he mountain and flies away.
Finally the blond trips over a rock and says “crap” and turns into a peace of crap and rolls dow magic mountain.

This joke was submitted by Breanna.


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