Funny Junk

The following questions were set in last year’s GCSE examination in England. These are genuine answers from 16 year olds, not very bright, but entertaining, 16 year olds.

Ques. Name the four seasons
Ans. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Ques. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
Ans. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists

Ques. How is dew formed
Ans. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

Ques. What causes the tides in the oceans
Ans. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight

Ques. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
Ans. Premature death

Ques. How can you delay milk turning sour
Ans. Keep it in the cow

Ques. Give the meaning of the term ‘Caesarean section’
Ans. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

Ques. What is a seizure?
Ans. A Roman Emperor.

Ques. What is a terminal illness
Ans. When you are sick at the airport.

A six-year-old boy told his father he wanted to marry the little girl across the street. The father, being modern and well-schooled in handling children, hid his smile behind.

‘That’s a serious step,’ he said. ‘Have you thought it out completely?’

‘Yes,’ his young son answered. ‘We can spend one week in my room and the next in hers. It’s right across the street, so I can run home if I get scared of the dark.’ ‘How about transportation? ‘ the father asked.

‘I have my wagon, and we both have our tricycles,’ the little boy answered. The boy had an answer to every question the father raised.

Finally, in exasperation, his dad asked, ‘What about babies? When you’re married, you’re liable to have babies, you know.’

‘We’ve thought about that, too,’ the little boy replied. ‘We’re not going to have babies. Every time she lays an egg, I’m going to step on it!’

This joke was submitted by dhruv

Little Johnny’s parents were at their wits end as to what to do about their son’s behavior. His mother had heard that a priest in town had been successful in disciplining children in the past, so she asked her husband if they should send Little Johnny to speak with the priest.

The husband said, “We might as well… we need to do something before I really lose my temper!”

The priest agreed to speak with Little Johnny. The priest sat him down and asked him sternly,
“Where is God?”

Little Johnny made no response, so the priest repeated the question in an even sterner tone, “Where is God?”

Again, Little Johnny made no attempt to answer, so the priest raised his voice again and shook his finger in the boy’s face, “Where is God?”

A frightened Little Johnny ran out of the room and directly home to his bedroom, where he slammed himself in the closet.

Little Johnny’s mother followed him into the closet and asked, “What happened?”

Little Johnny replied, “I’m in BIG trouble this time… God is missing and they think I did it!”

Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher said, Johnny, when I was a child, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that.

Johnny looked up and replied, “Well, Ms. Smith, you cant say you weren’t warned.”