It was Christmas Eve in at the meat counter and a woman was anxiously picking over the last few remaining turkeys in the hope of finding a large one.
In desperation she called over a shop assistant and said, ‘Excuse me. Do these turkeys get any bigger?’
‘No, madam, ‘he replied, ‘they’re all dead.’
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The Santa Claus at the shopping mall was very surprised when a Emily, young lady aged about 20 years old walked up and sat on his lap. Now, we all know that Santa doesn’t usually take requests from adults, but she smiled very nicely at him, so he asked her, ‘What do you want for Christmas?’
‘Something for my mother, please,’ replied Emily sweetly.
‘Something for your mother? Well, that’s very loving and thoughtful of you,’ smiled Santa. ‘What do would you like me to bring her?’
Without turning a hair Emily answered quickly, ‘A son-in-law.’
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What happens if you eat the Christmas decorations?
You get tinsel-itus!
Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
He likes to ho-ho-ho.
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
It’s Christmas, Eve.
Why are Christmas trees like people who can’t knit?
They both drop their needles!
What do you call a group of chess fanatics bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!
What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas?
Sandy Claus!
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