Funny Computer Jokes

New Years Resolution For Geeks

I will try to figure out why I “really” need 10 e-mail addresses.

When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, “LOL… LOL!”

I resolve to work with my own neglected children.

I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm with which I answer my e-mail.

I will try to spend at least one hour without internet when I am not sleeping

I will stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the morning when I wake to go to washroom.

I will stop sending e-mail to my better half for letting him/her know when I will be coming down for dinner


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How Computer Changed Our Life

- Virus was considered a flu.

– Mouse was an animal wife’s were afraid off.

– Hard Drive was a road trip in which we had hard times.

– Cut was done with Knife and Paste was done with a Glue.

– Apple and Blackberry were fruits with nutritional value.

– Keyboard was a Piano and was for entertainment and not work.

– Web was spider’s home and we needed to remove it every 14 days.

– Window was a hole in the wall of a room for ventilation purposes.


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Six Reasons Computers Must be Female

6. As soon as you have one, a better one is just around the corner.

5. No one but the creator understands the internal logic.

4. Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.

3. The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

2. The message “Bad Command or File Name” is about as informative as “If you don’t know why I’m mad at you, then I’m certainly not going to tell you”.

1.As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half of your paycheck on accessories for it.


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Heaven and Hell in Computer Terms

In Computer Heaven:
The management is from Intel,
The design and construction is done by Apple,
The marketing is done by Microsoft,
IBM provides the support,
Gateway determines the pricing.

In Computer Hell:
The management is from Apple,
Microsoft does design and construction,
IBM handles the marketing,
The support is from Gateway,
Intel sets the price.


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Three Type of Computer Experts

Computer users are divided into three types:

Novice Users – People who are afraid that simply pressing a key might break their computer.

Intermediate Users – People who don’t know how to fix their computer after they’ve just pressed a key that broke it.

Expert Users – People who press the keys that break other people’s computers.


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PC Cup Holder

Caller: ‘Hello, is this Tech Support?’

Tech: ‘Yes, it is. How may I help you?’

Caller: ‘The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period.How do I go about getting that fixed?’

Tech: ‘I`m sorry, but did you say a cup holder?’ Caller: ‘Yes, it`s attached to the front of my computer.’

Tech: ‘Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, It`s because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional offer, at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?’

Caller: ‘It came with my computer, I don`t know anything about a promotional. It just has `4X` on it.’

Tech: Sir, that’s the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive and not a cup holder.

This joke was submitted by Timmy.


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Times Have Changed

15 years ago…..

A program was….. a television show

An application was…. for employment

Windows were….. something you hated to clean

A keyboard was…. a piano

Memory was…. something you lost with age

A CD was… a bank account

If you unzipped in public you went to jail

Compress was something you did to garbage

A hard drive was a long trip on the road

Log on was adding wood to a fire

A mouse pad was where a mouse lived

Cut you did with scissors

Paste you did with glue

A web was a spider’s home

And a virus was the flu!!!

SURE TIMES HAVE CHANGED!


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