Definition of honeymoon:
Definition of honeymoon:
a man’s last holiday
before he starts working
for a new boss !!
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Funny Definitions
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10 Funniest Definitions
Television – A commercial delivery system.
Unfair Competition – Selling more cheaply than we do.
Classic : Books, which people praise, but do not read.
Hardware – The parts of a computer which can be kicked.
Committee – An entity that keeps minutes and loses hours.
Management – The art of getting other people to do the work.
Tycoon – A person for whom the government makes customized laws.
Ability – The virtue you are forced to use if your boss has no daughter.
Feature – A hardware limitation, as described by a marketing representative.
Password – Series of letters and numbers written on a post-it note and stuck on a monitor.
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12 Funniest Profession Definitions
Civil Servant : Someone who isn’t civil and doesn’t serve.
Nurse : A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.
Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.
HR Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
Psychologist : Someone who looks at everyone else when an attractive woman enters the room.
Statistician : Someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality to be an engineer.
Programmer : Someone who fixes a problem you didn’t know you had in a way you don’t understand.
Consultant : Someone who uses your wife’s watch, tells you the time,and then charges you for it.
Economist : An expert who will know tomorrow why that which he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today.
Banker : Someone who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and takes it back when it starts to rain.
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Definitions by Gender
VULNERABLE
Female: Fully opening up one’s self emotionally to another.
Male: Playing football without a helmet.
COMMUNICATION
Female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one’s partner.
Male: Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend with the boys.
COMMITMENT
Female: A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one’s girlfriend.
ENTERTAINMENT
Female: A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male: Anything that can be done while drinking.
REMOTE CONTROL
Female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male: A device for scanning through all 75 channels every 2 min.
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Funny Definitions Related to Engineering
Engineering College : Place where you are punished for getting good marks in high school.
Hopeless Practical : The practical in which there are no girls in our group.
Practicals : 90 minutes in which we watch the girls do our experiment, and usually destroy lab equipments.
Fresher : Guy who has to ask where the canteen is
Really Dumb Fresher : Guy who asks a senior where the canteen is.
Professor : Person paid to put students to sleep.
Lectures : Waste of time. Physical presence is a must…only meant for sleeping and completing assignments
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To Check Gender of Things
WEB PAGE: Female, because it is always getting hit on
TIRE: Male, because it goes bald and often is over-inflated.
SUBWAY: Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick up people.
HOURGLASS: Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.
SHOE: Male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out.
HAMMER: Male, because it hasn’t evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it’s handy to have around.
HOT AIR BALLOON: Male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a fire under it… and, of course, there’s the hot air part.
SWISS ARMY KNIFE: Male, because even though it appears useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles.
REMOTE CONTROL: Female..gives man pleasure, he’d be lost without it, and while he doesn’t always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.
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The Real Meaning of Acronyms
DEC = Do Expect Cuts
WWW = World Wide Wait
IBM = I Blame Microsoft
CA = Constant Acquisitions
SCSI = System Can’t See It
ISDN = It Still Does Nothing
DOS = Defunct Operating System
MACINTOSH = Most Applications Crash; If Not, The OS Hangs
APPLE = Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
BASIC = Bill’s Attempt to Seize Industry Control
CD-ROM = Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
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Six Whacky Definitions
Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.
School:A place where Papa pays and Son plays.
Life Insurance:A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.
Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.
Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be wise after death
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Few Funny Definitions
Nurse: A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.
Marriage: It’s an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree
and a woman gains her masters.
Divorce: Future tense of Marriage.
Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through “the minds of either”
Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Dictionary : A place where success comes before work.
Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.
Father: A banker provided by nature.
Criminal: A guy no different from the rest….except that he got caught.
Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your
Confidence after.
Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.
Classic: Books, which people praise, but do not read.
Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Committee : Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.
Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead
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