Funny Definitions

Definition of honeymoon:

Definition of honeymoon:
a man’s last holiday
before he starts working
for a new boss !!


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10 Funniest Definitions

Television – A commercial delivery system.

Unfair Competition – Selling more cheaply than we do.

Classic : Books, which people praise, but do not read.

Hardware – The parts of a computer which can be kicked.

Committee – An entity that keeps minutes and loses hours.

Management – The art of getting other people to do the work.

Tycoon – A person for whom the government makes customized laws.

Ability – The virtue you are forced to use if your boss has no daughter.

Feature – A hardware limitation, as described by a marketing representative.

Password – Series of letters and numbers written on a post-it note and stuck on a monitor.


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12 Funniest Profession Definitions

Civil Servant : Someone who isn’t civil and doesn’t serve.

Nurse : A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.

Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.

HR Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

Psychologist : Someone who looks at everyone else when an attractive woman enters the room.

Statistician : Someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality to be an engineer.

Programmer : Someone who fixes a problem you didn’t know you had in a way you don’t understand.

Consultant : Someone who uses your wife’s watch, tells you the time,and then charges you for it.

Economist : An expert who will know tomorrow why that which he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today.

Banker : Someone who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and takes it back when it starts to rain.


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Definitions by Gender

VULNERABLE
Female: Fully opening up one’s self emotionally to another.
Male: Playing football without a helmet.

COMMUNICATION
Female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one’s partner.
Male: Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend with the boys.

COMMITMENT
Female: A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one’s girlfriend.

ENTERTAINMENT
Female: A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male: Anything that can be done while drinking.

REMOTE CONTROL
Female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male: A device for scanning through all 75 channels every 2 min.


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Funny Definitions Related to Engineering

Engineering College : Place where you are punished for getting good marks in high school.

Hopeless Practical : The practical in which there are no girls in our group.

Practicals : 90 minutes in which we watch the girls do our experiment, and usually destroy lab equipments.

Fresher : Guy who has to ask where the canteen is

Really Dumb Fresher : Guy who asks a senior where the canteen is.

Professor : Person paid to put students to sleep.

Lectures : Waste of time. Physical presence is a must…only meant for sleeping and completing assignments


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To Check Gender of Things

WEB PAGE: Female, because it is always getting hit on

TIRE: Male, because it goes bald and often is over-inflated.

SUBWAY: Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick up people.

HOURGLASS: Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.

SHOE: Male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out.

HAMMER: Male, because it hasn’t evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it’s handy to have around.

HOT AIR BALLOON: Male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a fire under it… and, of course, there’s the hot air part.

SWISS ARMY KNIFE: Male, because even though it appears useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles.

REMOTE CONTROL: Female..gives man pleasure, he’d be lost without it, and while he doesn’t always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.


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The Real Meaning of Acronyms

DEC = Do Expect Cuts

WWW = World Wide Wait

IBM = I Blame Microsoft

CA = Constant Acquisitions

SCSI = System Can’t See It

ISDN = It Still Does Nothing

DOS = Defunct Operating System

MACINTOSH = Most Applications Crash; If Not, The OS Hangs

APPLE = Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity

BASIC = Bill’s Attempt to Seize Industry Control

CD-ROM = Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months


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