Funny Engineers Jokes

Nurse And Engineer

Nurse to Engineer: Breathe deeply in and slowly exhale, do it 3 times.
.
Engineer: ok
.
Nurse: What do u feel now….??
.
Engineer: Ur BODY SPRAY is simply awesome babe… .


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Actual Meaning of Study

The real meaning of Study as given by engineering students

S = Sitting
T = Talking
U = Unlimited
D = Dreaming
Y = Yawning,

So get ready to study now :p


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Prove that 2+2=0.

Art student – this question is out of syllabus.

Commerce student – problem is not well defined.

Doctor – research in progress but no result found.

Engineering student -So simple…
2+2=0
two+two=0
tw(0+0)=0
Now (0+0)=0/tw
than 0+0=0
0=0

ENGINEERS ARE INCREDIBLE !


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Pick Up Lines Used by Engineers

Wanna see the programs in my HP-48GX?

Hey baby, let’s make a stress-strain curve together.

Your body has the nicest arc length I’ve ever seen.

Let’s convert our potential energy to kinetic energy.

We’re as compatible as two similar Power Macintosh’s
.
You’re hotter than a bunsen burner set to full power!

Our love is like dividing by zero…. you cannot define it

How about you and I go back to my place and form a covalent bond?

I won’t stop bugging you until I get the address of your home page.

You fascinate me more than the Fundamental Theorem of Calculus.

Why don’t we measure the coefficient of static friction between me and you?

My love for you is like a concave up function because it is always increasing.

By looking at you I can tell you’re 36-25-36, which by the way are all perfect squares.

I’m attracted to you so strongly, scientists will have to develop a fifth fundamental force.


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Phrases Used By An Engineers And Their Meaning

Years of development.
(It finally worked.)

Fax it to me.
(I’m too lazy to write it down.)

No maintenance.
(If it breaks, we can’t fix it.)

We’re following the standard.
(We’ve always done it this way.)

I haven’t gotten your email.
(It’s been days since I’ve checked my email.)

We’re trying a number of different approaches.
(We still guessing, at this point.)

The project is in process.
(It’s so tied up in red tape that it’s completely hopeless.)

We’ll have to abandon the entire concept.
(The only person who understood the thing just quit.)

We’re preparing a report with a fresh approach.
(We just hired a couple of kids out of college.)

We’ll look into it.
(Forget it! We’ve got so many other problems already, we’ll never get to it.)

Customer satisfaction is believed to be assured.
(We’re so far behind schedule that the customer will settle for anything.)


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You are an Engineer if

You are always late to meetings.

You know what http:// stands for.

You can’t read your own handwriting.

All your sentences begin with “what if”.

You want an 24X CD ROM for Christmas.

You can understand anything Al Gore says.

Your IQ is a higher number than your weight.

The only jokes you receive are through e-mail.

Your laptop computer costs more than your car.

You see a good design and still have to change it.

Your wristwatch has more buttons than a telephone.

You bought your wife a new DVD Writer for her birthday.

Your wife hasn’t the foggiest idea what you do at work.

You have more friends on the Internet than in real life.

You spend more time on your home computer than in your car.

Your idea of a “good read” is the Edmund Scientific catalog.

Your spouse sends you an email instead of calling you to dinner.

You have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work.

You order pizza over the Internet and pay for it through your home banking software.

You talk about the high resolution and picture-in-picture capability of your big screen TV while everybody is watching the Superbowl.


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Human Body Design

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.

One said, “It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.”

Another said, “No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous systems many thousands of electrical connections.”

The last said, “Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?”


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