Funny Ethnic Jokes

American in England

An American visiting in England asked at the hotel for the elevator.

The portiere looked a bit confused but smiled when he realized what the man wanted.

“You must mean the lift,” he said.

“No,” the American responded. “If I ask for the elevator I mean the elevator.”

“Well,” the portiere answered, “over here we call them lifts”.

“Now you listen”, the American said rather irritated, “someone in America invented the elevator.”

“Oh, right you are sir,” the portiere said in a polite tone, “but someone here in England invented the language.”


Email This Post Email This Post
Advertisements

Chinese vs Jewish

Chinese guy is sitting next to a Jewish guy on an airplane.

Out of the blue, the Jewish guy slaps the Chinese guy so hard that his head reverberates.

The Chinese guy asks, “What did you do that for?”

The Jewish guy says, “That was for Pearl Harbor.”

The Chinese guy says, “But Pearl Harbor was bombed by the Japanese.”

The Jewish guy says, “Japanese, Chinese, Korean, it’s all the same to me.”

A few minutes of silence pass when out of the blue the Chinese guy slaps the Jewish guy so hard that HIS head reverberates.

The Jewish guy asks “What did you do that for?”

The Chinese guy says, “That was for the Titanic.”

The Jewish guy says, “But the Titanic was sunk by an iceberg.”

The Chinese guy says, “Steinberg, Goldberg, Iceberg, it’s all the same to me.”


Email This Post Email This Post
Advertisements

Leaders of Great Countries

A Singaporean, a Chinese and an Indian were asked to compare their Leaders with a National Landmark or Monument (man made or natural).

The Chinese wrote, “My leaders are like the Great Wall of China…old, but still as strong as the bricks in the Wall.”

The Singaporean wrote, “My leaders are like the many highrise buildings in Singapore. They build our nation and bring us to greater heights.”

The Indian wrote, “My leaders are like the Himalaya Mountains. They have been around for a long time, doing nothing.”


Email This Post Email This Post

Polish Joke

A guy walked into a bar and said to the bartender: “I’ve got this great Polish joke.”

The bartender glared at him and warned him: “Before you go telling that joke, I I think you ought to know that I’m Polish, the two bouncers on the door are Polish and most of my customers are Polish.”

“OK,” said the guy. “I’ll tell it slowly.”


Email This Post Email This Post

Competition of a Nation

The Americans and Russians at the height of the arms race realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world.

One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They’d have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side’s dog won would be entitled to dominate the world. The losing side would have to lay down its arms. The Russians found the biggest meanest Doberman and Rottweiler dogs in the world and bred them with the biggest meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from each litter, killed his siblings, and gave him all the milk. The used steroids and trainers and after five years came up with the biggest meanest dog the world had ever seen. Its cage needed steel bars that were five inches thick and nobody could get near it.

“When the day came for the fight, the Americans showed up with a strange animal. It was a nine foot long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for the Americans because they knew there was no way that this dog could possibly last ten seconds with the Russian dog.

“When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out and wrapped itself around the outside of the ring. It had the Russian dog almost completely surrounded. When the Russian dog leaned over to bite the Dachshund’s neck, the Dachshund leaned up and consumed the Russian dog in one bite. There was nothing left at all of the Russian dog.

The Russians came up to the Americans shaking their heads in disbelief. `We don’t understand how this could have happened. We had our best people working for five years with the meanest Doberman and Rottweiler dogs in the world and the biggest meanest Siberian wolves.”

“That’s nothing”, an American replied. “We had our best plastic surgeons working for five years trying to make an alligator look like a Dachshund.'”


Email This Post Email This Post

Texas builds it larger

A Texan, while visiting Toronto, found himself in the back seat of a taxi cab on the way to his hotel. Passing by the Royal York the Texan asked the cab driver “What’s that building there?” “That’s the Royal York Hotel” replied the cabbie. “The Royal York? How long did it take to build that?” asked the Texan. “About 12 years” replied the cabbie.

“12 years? We build ’em twice as high, twice as wide and four times as long down in Texas, and we do that in six months.”

A while later the cab driver makes his was past the Metro-Toronto Convention Centre. “What’s that building over there?” asked the Texan. “That’s the Metro-Toronto Convention Centre” replied the cabbie. “Convention Centre? How long’d it take to build that?” asked the Texan. “About three years” replied the cabbie. “Three years? We build ’em twice as high, three times as long and four times as wide as that down in Texas, and it only takes us about two weeks.”

Shortly thereafter the cabbie drives past the CN Tower. “What’s that building there?” asks the Texan, pointing at the tower. “Danged if I know” replied the cabbie, “It wasn’t here when I drove by yesterday.”


Email This Post Email This Post

Throwing Away Garbage

An American tourist in Moscow found himself needing to get rid of a large supply of garbage from his recent stay at an apartment. After a long search, he just couldn’t find any place to discard of it. So, he just went down one of the side streets to dump it there.

Yet, he was stopped by a Moscow police officer, who said, “Hey you, what are you doing?”

“I have to throw this away,” replied the tourist.

“You can’t throw it away here. Look, follow me,” the policeman offered.

The police officer led him to a beautiful garden with lots of grass, pretty flowers, and manicured hedges. “Here,” said the cop, “dump all the garbage you want.”

The American shrugs, opens up the large bags of garbage, and dumps them right on the flowers.

“Thanks for giving me a place to dump this stuff. This is very nice of you. Is this Russian courtesy?” asked the tourist.

“No. This is the American Embassy.”


Email This Post Email This Post
Page 1 of 212