Funny Golf Jokes

Groom With Golf Clubs

The bride came down the aisle and when she reached the altar, the groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs at his side.

She said, “What are your golf clubs doing here?”

He looked her right in the eye and said, “This isn’t going to take all day, is it?”


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A Blind Golfer

Joseph, a blind person meets golf champ Tiger Woods and mentions that he, too, is an excellent golfer. Tiger Woods becomes skeptical about a blind playing golf but says nothing

“When I tee off, ” the blind man explains, “I have a guy call to me from the green. My sharp sense of hearing lets me aim.”

Tiger is impressed, and Joseph suggests that they play a round. When Tiger agrees, Joseph asks, “How about if we play for $100,000?”

Tiger insists he couldn’t possibly play him for money because of his sight handicap.

But Joseph requests until Tiger finally relents and says, “OK, it’s your money… when do you want to play?”

Joseph replies, “I’ll play on any NIGHT you choose!”


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Golf Love

A fourball watches a lone player play up short of the green they are on.

As they tee off at the next hole they watch the lone player quickly chip on and putt out.

He almost runs to the tee where the four ball is.

He looks at the bewildered players and says, “I say chaps could I play through, I’ve just heard the wife has had a terrible accident”.


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Nagging Wife

“Kelly, shut up!”, cried the golfer at his nagging wife, “Shut up or you’ll drive me out of my mind.”

“That,” said Kelly, “wouldn’t be a drive, it would be a short putt.”


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Calling In Sick

Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse. The union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing the sick-leave provisions set out by their contract.

One morning at the bargaining table, the company’s chief negotiator held aloft the morning edition of the newspaper, “This man,” he announced, “called in sick yesterday!”

There on the sports page, was a photo of the supposedly ill employee, who had just won a local golf tournament with an excellent score.

A union negotiator broke the silence in the room.

“Wow!” he said. “Just think of the score he could have had if he wasn’t sick!”


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Brave Husband

A man and his wife walked into a dentist’s office. The man said to the dentist, “Doc, I’m in one hell of a hurry! I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf. So forget about the anesthetic and just pull the tooth and be done with it. We have a 10:00 AM tee time at the best golf course in town and it’s 9:30 already. I don’t have time to wait for the anesthetic to work!”

The dentist thought to himself, “My goodness, this is surely a very brave man asking to have his tooth pulled without using anything to kill the pain.” So the dentist ask him, “Which tooth is it sir?”

The man turned to his wife and said, “Open your mouth Honey, and show him.”


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Golfing with an older man

A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in nine holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent to join him.

To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly. He didn’t hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn’t waste much time. Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball – and directly between his ball and the green.

After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot the old man finally said, “You know, when I was your age I’d hit the ball right over that tree.”

With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay.

The old man offered one more comment, “Of course, when I was your age that pine tree was only three feet tall.”


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