Funny Lawyer Jokes

Lawyer will be Lawyer

Two lawyers are in a bank, when two robbers burst in. While one of the robbers take the money from the tellers, the other one lines the customers, including the lawyers, up against a wall, then proceeds to take their wallets, jewelry, etc. While this is going on one lawyer jams something into the other lawyers hand. Without looking down, the second lawyer whispers, “What is this?” The first lawyer replies, “It’s that $50 I owe you.”

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Regular Lawyer

Little Johnny and Jacky are talking to each other.

Jacky says, “What does your dad do for a living?”

Little Johnny says, “He is a lawyer.”

Jacky says, “Honest?”

“No, just a regular lawyer.” says Little Johnny

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1000 Valentine Cards

A man walks into a post office one day and sees a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.

His curiosity gets the better of him; he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing.

The man says, “I’m sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, ‘Guess who?'”
“But why?” asks the man.

“I’m a divorce lawyer,” the man replies.

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Early Shopping

It was Christmas and the lawyer was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner,”What are you charged with?”

“Doing my Christmas shopping early”, replied the thief.

“That’s no offense”, said the lawyer. “How early were you doing this shopping?”

“Before the store opened.”

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Just before Christmas, an honest politician, a generous lawyer and Santa Claus were riding in the elevator of a very posh hotel. Just before the doors opened they all noticed a $20 bill lying on the floor.

Which one picked it up?

Santa of course, because the other two don’t exist!

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Lawyer Gang

A gang of robbers broke into a lawyer’s club by mistake. The old legal lions gave them a fight for their life and their money.The gang was very happy to escape.

“It ain’t so bad,” one crook noted., “We got $25 between us.”

The boss screamed, “I warned you to stay clear of lawyers… we had $100 when we broke in!”

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Merry Christmas in Lawyer’s Terms

Please accept without obligation, express or implied, these best wishes for an environmentally safe, socially responsible, low stress, non addictive, and gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday as practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice (but with respect for the religious or secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or for their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all) and further for a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated onset of the generally accepted calendar year (including, but not limited to, the Christian calendar, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures). The preceding wishes are extended without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform, or sexual preference of the wishee(s).

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