Funny Navy Jokes

American Navy Soldier in Paris

The elderly American Navy Soldier arrived in Paris by plane. At French Customs, he fumbled for his passport.

“You ‘ave been to France before, monsieur?” the customs officer asked sarcastically.

The old gent admitted that he had been to France previously.

“Zen, you should know enough to ‘ave your passport ready for inspection.”

The American said, “The last time I was here, I didn’t have to show it.”

“Impossible. You Americans alwayz ‘ave to show your passports on arrival in France!”

The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained, “Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach in the war of 44; I couldn’t find any Frenchmen to show it to!”


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Meaning of Marine, Army and Navy

Full forms of Marine
M- Muscles
A- are
R- required
I- intelligence
N- not
E- expected,
S- Sir!

Full forms of Army
A- Ain’t a
R- real
M- Marine
Y- yet.

Full forms of Navy
N- Never
A- again
V- volunteer
Y- yourself


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You Might be a Marine Wife if:

1. Your mail goes to four addresses in two countries before it reaches you.

2. You know the Tricare regulations/procedures better than their service reps.

3. You are strangely attracted (or repulsed) by the color green.

4. You can calculate the cost of a 5-minute phone call from any country, any time, on up to four different calling plans.

5. At a distance, you can pick out your husband from 100 other men with identical haircuts and clothes.


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Americans vs Canadians

Americans: “Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.”

Canadians: “Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.”

Americans: “This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, DIVERT YOUR course.”

Canadians: “No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.”

Americans: “This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln, the second largest ship in the United States Atlantic Fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers, and numerous support vessels. I demand that you change your course 15 degrees north…that’s one-five-degrees North, or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.”

Canadians: “This is a lighthouse. Your call.”


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English And French Navy Officials

An officer in the U.S. Naval reserve was attending a conference of officers from the U.S. Navy and the French Navy. At a cocktail reception, he found himself in a small group that included personnel from both navies. A French admiral started complaining that whereas Europeans learned many languages, Americans learned only English. He then asked: “Why is it that we have to speak English at these conferences rather than speak French?”

Without hesitating, an American Admiral replied: “Maybe it’s because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies and Americans arranged it so you wouldn’t have to speak German.” The group became silent.


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