What Does HR means?


Hi,
GOOD MORNING.
After 10 years of selfless service, a man realized that he has not been promoted, no transfer, no salary increase no recommendation and that the Company is not doing any thing about it. So he decided to walk up to his HR Manager one morning and after exchanging greetings, he told his HR Manager his observation. The boss looked at him, laughed and asked him to sit down saying;

Myfriend, you have not worked here for even one day.

The man was surprised to hear this, but the manager went on to explain.

Manager:- How many days are there in a year?

Man:- 365 days and some times 366

Manager:- how many hours make up a day?

Man:- 24 hours

Manager:- How long do you work in a day?

Man:- 8am to 4pm. i.e. 8 hours a day.

Manager:- S! o, what fraction of the day do you work in hours?

Man:- (He did some arithmetic and said 8/24 hours i.e. 1/3(one third)

Manager:- That is nice of you! What is one-third of 366 days?

Man:- 122 (1/3×366 = 122 in days)

Manager:- Do you come to work on weekends?

Man:- No sir

Manager:- How many days are there in a year that are weekends?

Man:- 52 Saturdays and 52 Sundays equals to 104 days

Manager:- Thanks for that. If you remove 104 days from 122 days, how many days do you now have?

Man:- 18 days.

Manager:- OK! I do give you 2 weeks sick leave every year. Now remove that14 days from the 18 days left. How many days do you have remaining?

Man:- 4 days

Manager:- Do you work on New Year day?

Man:- No sir!

Manager! :- Do you come to work on workers day?

Man:- No sir!

Manager:- So how many days are left?

Man:- 2 days sir!

Manager:- Do you come to work on the (National holiday )?

Man:- No sir!

Manager:- So how many days are left?

Man:- 1 day sir!

Manager:- Do you work on Christmas day?

Man:- No sir!

Manager:- So how many days are left?

Man:- None sir!

Manager:- So, what are you claiming?

Man:- I have understood, Sir. I did not realise that I was stealing Company money all these days.

Moral – NEVER GO TO HR FOR HELP!!!

HR=HIGH RISK


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Funny Office Prayer


Do you do this kind of prayer before going to office? If not start doing it from today :)

funny-prayer-before-office1


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Laziest Of All – Office Joke

A site foreman had ten very lazy men working for him, so one day he decided to trick them into doing some work for a change.“I’ve got a really easy job today for the laziest one among you,” he
announced. “Will the laziest man please put his hand up?”
Nine hands went up.
“Why didn’t you put your hand up?” he asked the tenth man.
“Too much trouble,” came the reply.


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Funny Application Letters

1. A student’s leave letter:
“As I am suffering from my uncle’s marriage I cannot attend the class….”

2. A candidate’s application:
“This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ‘typist And an accountant – Male or Female’… As I am both for the past Several years and I can handle both; I am applying for the post.”

3. I.T.I.: An employee applied for leave as follows:
Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife. Please sanction me one-week leave.

4. Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
“Since I’ve to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clocks and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave”

5. A leave letter to the headmaster:
“As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today”

6. An incident of a leave letter:
“I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday.”

7. Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day.

8. A covering note:
“I am enclosed herewith…”

9. From H.A.L. Administration dept:
As my mother-in-law has expired and I am responsible for it, Please grant me 10 days leave.

10. Actual letter written for application of leave:
“My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband At home I may be granted leave”.

11. Letter writing:
“I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well.”

12. Another gem from I.T.I. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter’s wedding:
“As I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week’s leave…”


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Funny Company Names

1. NIIT : Not Interested in IT

2. WIPRO : Weak Input, Poor & Rubbish Output

3. HCL : Hidden Costs & Losses

4. TCS : Totally Confusing Solutions

5. INFOSYS : Inferior Offline Systems

6. HUGHES : Highly Useless Graduates Hired for Eating and Sleeping

7. BAAN : Beggars Association and Nerds

8. IBM : Implicitly Boring Machines

9. SATYAM : Sad And Tired Yelling Away Madly

10. C-DOT : Coffee During Office Timings

11. AT&T : All Troubles & Terrible

12. CMC : Coffee, Meals and Comfort

13. DEC : Drifting & Exhausted Computers

14. ORACLE : Online Romance And Chatting with Lady Employees

15. PATNI: Pathetic Appraisal Techniques, No Increments


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Office Timetable

9:00  Starting time
9:15  Arrive at work
10:00 Coffee break
11:00 Check e-mail
11:30 Prepare for lunch
12:00 Lunch
2:00 Browse the Internet
3:00 Tea break
3:30 Check e-mail again
4:00 Prepare to go home
4:45 Go home
5:00 Finishing Time


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John Darling

The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office. “What is your name?” was the first thing the manager asked him.

“John,” the new guy replied.

The manager scowled, “Look, I don’t know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked at before, but I don’t call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last name only – Smith, Jones, Baker – that’s all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?”

The new guy sighed and said, “Darling. My name is John Darling.”

“Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is…”


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