Funny Old People Jokes

The Farmhouse

A dying grandma tells her grandchild, “I want to leave you my farm. That includes the barn, livestock, the harvest, the tractor, and other equipment, the farmhouse and $24,548,750.45 in cash.”

The grandchild, absolutely floored and about to become rich says, “Oh grandma, you are SO generous! I didn’t even know you had a farm. Where is it?”

With her last breath, Grandma whispered, “Facebook…”

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Zookeeper and Old Man

A zookeeper notices someone throwing $20 bills at the monkeys. The zookeeper tells the man to stop and that it’s not allowed.

“Of course it’s allowed!”, says the old man.

“No it’s not”, says the zookeeper.

“Sure it is, it says right here: ‘Don’t feed the monkeys. $20 fine.’

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Long Ago

An old man goes to a movie theater to see the latest James Bond movie. After buying his ticket, he stopped at to purchase some popcorn.

The attendant says, ” $1.5 for popcorns Sir.”

“The last time I came to the movies, popcorn was only 15 cents.”

“Well, sir,” the attendant replied with a grin, “You’re really going to enjoy yourself. We have sound now!!”

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Barn on Fire

One day an old person drove to his best friend’s barn farm and noticed his barn was on fire.

“Your barn’s burning down,” he yelled.

“I know it,” said the other old person , “I’m sittin’ here prayin’ for rain.”

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Old Lady at an Art Exhibition

An old lady went at an art exhibition in a newly opened gallery. One of the contemporary paintings caught her eye and she inquired of the tour guide, “What on earth is that?”

He smiled condescendingly. “That, dear lady, is supposed to be a mother and child.”

“Well, then,” snapped the little old lady, “why isn’t it?”

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Tax Collector Office

An old man walks into the tax collector’s office and sat down and smiled at everyone.

“May I help you?” said the clerk in charge.

“No,” said the old man. “I just wanted to meet the people I have been working for all these years.”

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Ashes over Wal-Mart

An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests.
First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.
‘Wal-Mart?’ the preacher exclaimed.

‘Why Wal-Mart?’

‘Then I’ll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week.’

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