Salesman One Liner


How can you tell when a salesperson is lying?
His lips are moving.


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Funny Lawyer One Liners


1) What’s wrong with Lawyer jokes?
Lawyers don’t think they’re funny, and nobody else thinks they’re jokes.

2) When asked, “What is a contingent fee?” a lawyer answered, “A contingent fee to a lawyer means, if I don’t win your suit, I get nothing. If I do win it, you get nothing.”

3) A group of terrorists hijacked a plane full of lawyers. They called down to ground control with their list of demands and added that if their demands weren’t met, they would release one lawyer every hour.

4) A small town that cannot support one lawyer can always support two.

5) What’s the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?
A boxing referee doesn’t get paid more for a longer fight.

6) Arguing with a lawyer is like mud wrestling with a pig: after a while you realize that the pig actually enjoys it.

7) There are two kinds of lawyers, those who know the law and those who know the judge.


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Some Funny Liners To Laugh!!

Living on Earth may be expensive,but it includes an annual free trip around the Sun.

God made relatives…Thank God we can choose our friends

Love is photogenic…It needs darkness to develop

A good discussion is like a miniskirt…Short enough to pertain interest and long enough to cover the subject!

Children in backseats cause accidents…Accidents in backseats cause children !

A drunk was hauled into court.”Mister,” the judge began, you’ve been brought herefor drinking.”
“Great,” the drunk exclaimed. “When do we get started?”


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Funny English

“Hey, u guys, please keep quiet. The president is rotating outside”

“Donot smoke and spoil the botany of ur body”

” Open the windows, open the windows, let the climate come in ”

” Why are you naat filupping the blanks ? ”

Advice to father thinking about whether he should let his daughter
continue her studies or get her married :
” Vell, if you wantu study her, then study her. If you wantu marry
her, then marry her .”

Prof to students hanging around the corridors during exams :
” Do not revolve in the corridors in front of the examinations ”

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Funny Car Bumper Stickers

Missing dog and wife. Reward for dog.

The kids drive me crazy. I drive them everywhere.

Drive carefully! Remember, it’s not only a car that can be recalled by it’s maker.

Even though this is a stupid bumper sticker, you’re squinting to read it.

Car service: If it ain’t broke, we’ll break it.

There are two kinds of pedestrians - the quick and the dead.

They couldn’t repair my brakes, so they made my horn louder.

Your so boring, if you threw a boomerang, it wouldn’t come back to you.


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Funny Pilot One Liners

Q: What is the ideal cockpit crew?

A: A pilot and a dog…the pilot is there to feed the dog, and the dog is there to bite the pilot in case he tries to touch anything.

Q: How many pilots does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Just one. He holds the bulb and the world revolves around him.

Q: How do you know if a pilot is at your party?

A: He’ll tell you.

Q: How do you know when you are half way through a date with a pilot?

A: Because he says: “Thats enough about flying, let’s talk about me”!

Q: What’s the purpose of the propeller?

A: To keep the pilot cool. If you don’t think so, just stop it and watch him sweat!


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Funny State Slogans

Alabama:
Yes, We Have Electricity

Alaska:
11,623 Eskimos Can’t Be Wrong!

Arizona:
But It’s a Dry Heat

Arkansas:
Litterasy Ain’t Everthing

California:
By 30 Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda.

Colorado:
If You Don’t Ski, Don’t Bother

Connecticut:
Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedies Don’t Own It Yet.

Delaware:
We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water

Florida:
Ask Us About Our Grandkids

Georgia:
We Put The “Fun” In Fundamentalist Extremism

Hawaii:
Haka Tiki Mou Sha’ami Leeki Toru
(Death To Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money)

Idaho:
More Than Just Potatoes…
Well Okay, We’re Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good

Illinois:
Please Don’t Pronounce the “S”

Indiana:
2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free

Iowa:
We Do Amazing Things With Corn

Kansas:
First Of The Rectangle States

Kentucky:
Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names

Louisiana:
We’re Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That’s Our Tourism Campaign

Maine:
We’re Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster

Maryland:
If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It

Massachusetts:
Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden’s (For Most Tax Brackets)

Michigan:
First Line Of Defense From The Canadians


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