Funny Valentine Jokes

Very Practical

Robin went to a very expensive jeweller shop and asked for a ring to surprise his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day.

The jeweller asked, ‘Would you like your girlfriend’s name engraved on it?’

Robin thought for a moment,and said, ‘No, instead engrave “To my one and only love”.’

The jeweller smiled and said, ‘Yes, sir; how very romantic of you.’

Robin with a grin on his face said, ‘Not exactly romantic, but very practical. This way, if we break up, I can use it again.’


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1000 Valentine Cards

A man walks into a post office one day and sees a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.

His curiosity gets the better of him; he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing.

The man says, “I’m sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, ‘Guess who?'”
“But why?” asks the man.

“I’m a divorce lawyer,” the man replies.


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Valentine Gift for Ex

A man went to the mall this last week to buy Valentines’ cards for his daughter and mother. The 50 feet of displays for hundreds of cards astounded him. He muttered out loud, “I wonder if they have anything for ex-wives.”

The clerk behind the counter said, “Oh, yes sir, they do have an‘ex’ category, but they’re in Sporting Goods.”

“Really?”

“Yes sir. They’re called darts.”


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Embarrassed

A very shy guy goes into a pub on Valentine’s Day night and sees a beautiful young woman sitting alone at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks tentatively, “Um, would you mind if I brought you a drink?” She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, “No, I won’t sleep with you tonight!”Everyone in the pub started staring at them. Naturally, the guy was terribly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table totally red faced.After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, “I’m really sorry if I embarrassed you just then. You see, I’m a graduate student in psychology and I’m studying how people respond to embarrassing situations.”At this the guy responds, at the top of his lungs, “What do you mean? $300?”


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