Profession Jokes

Mechanic vs Officer

A mechanic called one of his customers, a bank officer after a check bounced. “The check you sent me to pay your bill has bounced!” He yelled!

The officer replied,”well, so did all my car problems that you fixed!”


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The Real Salesman

A man who isn’t qualified keeps pestering this tailor about giving him a job selling suits. Finally, the owner tells him if he can sell this one green suit, he will give him a job.

Another employee points out to the owner that they have had that suit on the rack for four years, and that it is such an ugly, green suit that nobody would ever buy it.

The owner replies, “Yah, I know. That’s my way of getting rid of that pest!”

Two hours later the new guy calls his boss for his next assignment.

The owner cannot believe it and heads down to the store to see how this fellow did it. Upon arrival he sees his new salesman bleeding, scratched and his clothes torn in several places, but smiling.

“Congratulations, the job is yours! Nobody has come close to selling that old, ugly, green suit. But tell me, what in the world happened to you”?

“Well, replied the salesman, the guy that bought the suit loved it. He said it fit him great. As far as my injuries go, he had this really sensitive seeing-eye dog!”


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Sleep Like A Baby

While the U.S. stock market was at an all time high, the ups and downs frightened a lot of small investors.

A guy went to his financial adviser at the bank and asked if he were worried.

He replied that he slept like a baby.

He was amazed and asked, “Really? Even with all the fluctuations?”

He said, “Yes. I sleep for a couple of hours, then wake up and cry for a couple of hours.”


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The Hair Cutter

Samantha took her dog to the parlor for a haircut, and asked what it would cost.

The hair cutter replied, ” $75″.

“I only pay 50 bucks for my own haircut!” said Samantha

The hair cutter replied, “Yes, but you don’t bite, do you?!”


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Scared Driver

A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said, “Please, don’t ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me.”

The passenger, who was also frightened, apologized and said he didn’t realize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much, to which the driver replied, “I’m sorry, it’s really not your fault at all. Today is my first day driving a cab, I have been driving dead bodies to mortuary for the last 25 years.”


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Wife Control

A man goes to book store and says – I need a book on topic “Short ideas on full control on women.”

Salesman: Sir, Please move into our next row of ‘fiction section’.


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Deceived

A newsboy was standing on the corner with a stack of papers, yelling, “Read all about it. Fifty people deceived! Fifty people deceived!”

Curious, a man walked over, bought a paper, and checked the front page. Finding nothing, the man said, “There’s nothing in here about fifty people being deceived.”

The newsboy ignored him and went on, calling out, “Read all about it. Fifty-one people deceived!”


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