A husband was giving a speech on wife’s 30th birthday, he said
Forget about the past, you can’t change it.
Forget about the future, you can’t predict it.
Forget about the present, I didn’t get you one.
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A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks,‘I‘ll buy my wife a cemetery plot for her 60th birthday.‘Well, you can imagine her disappointment.The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this time he doesn‘t get her anything. She says, ‘Why didn‘t you get me a birthday present!?‘He replies, ‘You didn‘t use what I got you last year!‘
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The man walked over to the perfume counter and told the clerk he’d like a bottle of Chanel No. 5 for his wife’s 60th birthday.
“A little surprise, eh?” smiled the clerk.
“You bet,” answered the customer. “She’s expecting a cruise.”
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A husband asked his wife what she wanted for her 40th birthday.
“Would you like a new mink coat?” he asked.
“Not really,” said the wife.
“Well how about a new Mercedes sports car?” said the husband.
“No,” she responded
“What about a new vacation home in the country?” he suggested
She again rejected his offer.
“Well what would you like for your birthday?” the husband asked.
“I’d like a divorce,” answered the wife.
“Sorry, I wasn’t planning to spend that much,” said the husband.
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A man asked his wife, “What would you most like for your 40th birthday?” She said, “I’d love to be ten again.” On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and they went to a theme park. He put her on every ride in the park – the Death Slide, The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear. She had a go on every ride there was. She staggered out of the theme park five hours later, her head reeling and her stomach turning. Then the were off to a movie theater where they ate popcorn and sweets and drank Cola. At last she staggered home with her husband and collapsed into bed.
Her husband leaned over and asked, “Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?” One eye opened and she groaned, “Actually, honey, I meant dress size!”
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It’s my wife’s 30th birthday tomorrow. Last week I asked her what she wanted as a present.
“Oh, I don’t know, she said . Just give me something with diamonds.”
That’s why I’m giving her a pack of playing cards.
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Husband: Why didn’t you give me anything for my birthday?
Wife: You told me to surprise you.
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Henry was sitting at a bar. He was totally depressed. The bartender, serving him a drink, asked what was wrong. “I’ll never understand women” said Henry. “The other night on my birthday, my wife said as my gift, I could do with her what I wanted.” “Wow! That’s quite some gift” said the bartender. “So why are you so dejected?” “Well I thought about it for a while” said Henry, “and decided to send her home to her mother, and now she won’t even speak to me!”
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