These are actual sports quotes said by various people throughout the world.
Oiler coach Bum Phillips: When asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded, “Because she is too ugly to kiss goodbye.”
New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season:”I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first.”
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Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
When I’m not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don’t have film.
You know the speed of light, so what’s the speed of dark?
Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.
Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he’s gone.
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.(Friend or Money !)
Death is hereditary.
There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side.
An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.
Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.
When you’re right, no one remembers. When you’re wrong, no one forgets.
Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.
Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.
They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
If you can’t see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.
Where there’s a will, there are five hundred relatives.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
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The key here, I think, is to not think of death as an end. But, but, think of it more as a very effective way of cutting down on your expenses.
Boris Grushenko (Woody Allen) in ‘Love and Death’
Reporter: Tell me, how did you find America?John Lennon: Turned left at Greenland.
A Hard Day’s Night
Major Strasser (Conrad Veidt): What is your nationality?Rick Blaine (Humphrey Bogart): I’m a drunkard.Capt. Louis Renault (Claude Rains): That makes Rick a citizen of the world.
Casablanca
I believe that Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was - an Arctic region covered with ice.
Steve Martin
Good morning! And in case I don’t see you: good afternoon, good evening and good night.
Jim Carrey, The Trueman Show
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“The Internet is a gateway to get on the net.” - Bob Dole
“It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.” - Dan Quayle
“I’m not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers We are the president.” - Hillary Clinton
1996 Lou Duva, Veteran boxing trainer, on the spartan training regimen of heavyweight Andrew Golota: “He’s a guy who gets up at six o’clock in the morning regardless of what time it is.”
1991 Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins: “He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings.”
Shaquille O’Neal, on his lack of championships: “I’ve won at every level, except college and pro.”
We’ve got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?” - Lee Iacocca
“If we don’t succeed we run the risk of failure.” - Dan Quayle
“The world is more like it is now then it ever has before.” - Dwight Eisenhower
“You read what Disraeli had to say. I don’t remember what he said. He said something. He’s no longer with us.” - Bob Dole
“Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.” - Joe Theismann
“You know, Tim, that’s one of the things that will be debated.” –New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin, after being asked by NBC’s Tim Russert why he didn’t use buses to evacuate residents in accordance with the city’s evacuation plan
“African-Americans watch the same news at night that ordinary Americans do.” - President Clinton on Black Entertainment Television, November 2, 1994
“I am filled with humidity” - Speaker Gib Lewis
“I have orders to be awakened at an time in the case of a national emergency, even if I’m in a cabinet meeting.” - Ronald Regan
“We are ready for any unforseen event that may or may not occur.” - Al Gore
“What right does Congress have to go around making laws just because they deem it necessary?” - Marion Barry
“We don’t want to open a box of Pandoras.” - Gov. Bruce King
“Statistics show that teen pregnancy drops off significantly after age 25.” - Sen. Mary Anne Tebedo
“Shels a wonderfun, wonderful person, and we’re looking to a happy and wonderful night… uh, life.” - Sen. Ted Kennedy, about his then-fiancee
“I don’t know anyone here that’s been killed by a handgun.” - Rep. Avery Alexander
“What’s a man got to do to get in the top fifty?” - President Bill Clinton, on a survey ranking the Lewinsky scandal as the 53rd most significant story of the century.
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A fiberglass port-a-potty at Oshkosh with the message “I could have been a Glassair!” written on it?
“I would like to die in my sleep like my father did, not in screaming terror, like his passengers.”
If God had meant man to fly, He would have given him more money or airplane tickets.
“Gravity always wins!”
You know you´re flying a Cessna when you have a bird strike and it is from behind!
747 on final approach at 1000? off the deck. First Officer asks Captain “Are you happy with the position of the landing gear, sir?” Captain reaches down, lowers the gear and lands safely.
Lost Cessna Pilot: “Big airport with a little Cessna 150 overhead, please identify yourself!”
A Landing is just controlled mid-air collision with a planet.
“I hate to wake up and find my co-pilot asleep”
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“I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day. ” ~Frank Sinatra
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“When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.” ~
Henny Youngman
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“24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not.”
~ Stephen Wright
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“When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When
we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.
Sooooo, let’s all get drunk and go to heaven!” ~ Brian O’Rourke
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“Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.”
~ Benjamin Franklin
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“Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.” ~ Dave Barry
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