Funny Junk

A young businessman had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working.

He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, “Can I help you?”

The man said, “Yeah, I’ve come to activate your phone lines.”

Doctor: “Nurse, how is that little boy doing, the one who swallowed ten quarters?”
Nurse: “No change yet.”

A man calls the fire department and says, “Yes, I have just had my front yard landscaped, I have a nice new flower bed, a new fish pond with a fountain and a new rose garden.”

“Very nice,” the firefighter says, “but what does that have to do with the fire service?”

“Well,” the man answers, “the house next door is on fire and I don’t want you to trample my front yard.”

I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and read a good book.

From the moment I picked your book up until I put it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

Anyone who believes you can’t change history has never tried to write his memoirs.

There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.

Copying an idea from an author is plagiarism. Copying many ideas from many authors is research.

A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.