Profession Jokes - Page 2

Hard Working

A fellow stopped at a rural gas station and, after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink. He stood by his car to drink his cola and he watched a couple of men working along the roadside. One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on. The other man came along behind and filled in the hole. While one was digging a new hole, the other was about 25 feet behind filling in the old. The men worked right past the fellow with the soft drink and went on down the road. “I can’t stand this,” said the man tossing the can in a trash container and heading down the road toward the men. “Hold it, hold it,” he said to the men. “Can you tell me what’s going on here with this digging?” “Well, we work for the county government, ” one of the men said. “But one of you is digging a hole and the other is filling it up. You’re not accomplishing anything. Are n’t you wasting the county’s money?” “You don’t understand, mister,” one of the men said, leaning on his shovel and wiping his brow. “Normally there’s three of us–me, Rodney and Mike. I dig the hole, Rodney sticks in the tree and Mike here puts the dirt back.” “Yea,” piped up Mike. “Now just because Rodney’s sick, that don’t mean we can’t work, does it?”


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12 Funniest Profession Definitions

Civil Servant : Someone who isn’t civil and doesn’t serve.

Nurse : A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.

Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.

HR Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

Psychologist : Someone who looks at everyone else when an attractive woman enters the room.

Statistician : Someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality to be an engineer.

Programmer : Someone who fixes a problem you didn’t know you had in a way you don’t understand.

Consultant : Someone who uses your wife’s watch, tells you the time,and then charges you for it.

Economist : An expert who will know tomorrow why that which he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today.

Banker : Someone who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and takes it back when it starts to rain.


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Road Line Painter

A blonde got a job as a road line-painter. She paints 5 miles on the first day, 2 miles on the second day and 1 on the third day.

“You get worse and worse every day!” yelled his boss.

“That is because the bucket gets further and further away every day.” said blonde with a cute smile.


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Mathematician Fireman

One day a mathematician decides that he is sick of math. So, he walks down to the fire department and announces that he wants to become a fireman.

The fire chief says, “Well, you look like a good guy. I’d be glad to hire you, but first I have to give you a little test.”

The firechief takes the mathematcian to the alley behind the fire departmentwhich contains a dumpster, a spigot, and a hose. The chief then says, “OK, you’re walking in the alley and you see the dumpster here is on fire. What doyou do?”

The mathematician replies, “Well, I hook up the hose to the spigot, turn the water on, and put out the fire.”

The chief says, “That’s great… perfect. Now I have to ask you just one more question. What do you do if you’re walking down the alley and you see the dumpster is not on fire?”

The mathematician puzzles over the question for awhile and he finally says, “I light the dumpster on fire.”
The chief yells, “What? That’s horrible! Why would you light the dumpster onfire?”

The mathematician replies, “Well, that way I reduce the problem to one I’ve already solved.”


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Sense of Responsibility.

A man goes into library and asks for a book on suicide. Librarian looks him and says,
.
.

Who will return the book back!


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Clever Salesman

A neatly dressed salesman stopped a man in the street and asked -
“Sir, would you like to buy a a bottle of this mouthwash for $200.00?”

Aghast, the man said, “are you NUTS?, that’s robbery!”

The salesman seemed hurt and then tries again -
“Sir, since you are a bit irate, I’ll sell it to you for 1/2 price at $100.00?

Again, the man replies bluntly – “you must be crazy pal, now go away!”

The salesman then reaches into his briefcase and pulls out 2 brownies and begins munching away on one of them. He tells the irate guy -
“Sir, please share one of my brownies since I have annoyed you so much”.

Unwrapping the brownie, the guy takes a bite; suddenly, the guys spits it out and says:
“HEY,” he snarled, “this brownie tastes like crap!!!”

“It is,” replied the salesman. “Wanna buy some mouthwash?”


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A True Salesman

A real estate salesman had just closed his first deal, only to discover that the piece of land he had sold was completely under water.

That customer’s going to come back here pretty mad,he said to his boss.Should I give him his money back?

Money back?roared the boss.What kind of salesman are you? Get out there and sell him a houseboat.

This joke was submitted by Sarita.


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