Patient’s Temperature


Doctor: “Did you take the patient’s temperature?”
Nurse: “No. Is it missing?”


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Warning To Fire Fighter


A man calls the fire department and says, “Yes, I have just had my front yard landscaped, I have a nice new flower bed, a new fish pond with a fountain and a new rose garden.”

“Very nice,” the firefighter says, “but what does that have to do with the fire service?”

“Well,” the man answers, “the house next door is on fire and I don’t want you to trample my front yard.”


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Funny Fire Fighter Joke

An excited man calls the fire department and says, “Help me, my house is on fire!!”

The fireman says, “Where do you live?”

The man replies, “I am too excited, I can’t tell you the exact address.”

The fireman asks, “How do you expect us to get there?”

The man replies, “What do you mean ‘how’? The big red truck.”


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Professional One Liners

I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and read a good book.

From the moment I picked your book up until I put it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

Anyone who believes you can’t change history has never tried to write his memoirs.

There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.

Copying an idea from an author is plagiarism. Copying many ideas from many authors is research.

A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.


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The Shortest Books Ever Written

1000 Years of German Humor
Everything men know about women
The Code of Ethics for Lawyers
Italian War Heroes
Who’s who in Puerto Rico
Americans’ Guide to Etiquette
Royal Family’s Guide to Good Marriages
Safe Places to Travel in the USA
Jerry Garcia’s Guide to Beating Drug Addiction
Contraception by Pope John Paul II
Career Opportunities for Liberal Arts Majors
Cooking Gourmet Dishes With Tofu
Gun Control for The New Millennium: NRA Handbook


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Salesman One Liner

How can you tell when a salesperson is lying?
His lips are moving.


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Unbreakable Comb Joke

A salesman was demonstrating unbreakable combs in a department store. He was impressing the people who stopped by to look by putting the comb through all sorts of torture and stress.

Finally to impress even the skeptics in the crowd, he bent the comb completely in half, and it snapped with a loud crack. Without missing a beat, he bravely held up both halves of the ‘unbreakable’ comb for everyone to see and said, “And this, ladies and gentlemen, is what an unbreakable comb looks like on the inside.”


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